Dreams & Delusions…

Posts tagged “Longing

Worth Their Weight

I remember

The raw pain

And the emptiness

That stretched along

The years…

I used to wish

I had never known you,

Though now

I am grateful

You found a way,

To show me

I’m not alone…

Gave me a love

To curl into

When everything else

Falls away.

I would rather have this

Passion and longing,

Darkness and light


Than the absence,

The vacuous abyss…

The substance to crave

In the emptiness of

This fucked up world,

Companionship and love

Are worth

Their weight in pain.

Everything I Can’t Say


Our rise,

And our downfall.

How many times

Have we met here?





You don’t want to stay,

And I don’t blame you.

My heart still reaches for you,

I think it always will,

You were always

There for me

In the dark…

I will always wonder

Why we keep ending up


When all I feel

Is the empty,

The longing,

Stretching forever,

And your back

Walking away…

I feel-

Left with nothing,

And everything

I can’t say…


Fatally Futile

I can still feel you,

And I don’t know
What I should do.
My heart calls for you,
But that hasn’t
Brought me to you.
The years and the tears
Have been for naught,
Though they have taught
Me some hard truths,
Still, no closer to you.
If you wonder why
I have fallen silent,
I have realized how futile
It truly is
To scream for what
Is not mine.
To wait, though I still do,
Is a waste of our time…
I hope you have found
A better use
For yours,
Than I have for mine.
I hope that you find
What you’ve been searching for
In your heart, your soul, your mind.



I never wanted to leave.

It’s been hard to believe…
I had no solace or reprieve,
I never wanted to leave.

I didn’t want you to go.
In some way, you know…
The pain forced us to grow,
I didn’t want you to go.

I still feel you near.
Even through all the fear…
My love for you in every tear,
I still feel you near.

Where should we run?
Still longing to be one…
Hand in hand, toward the sun,
Where should we run?


Our Place

​Some nights,

Laying in the dark-
I can feel you reaching,
Your warmth caressing,
Sharing the same space,
Our place we have made-
In the midnight dark,
My soul longs,
And my heart aches-
Still torn apart.


Unsaid, Unheard

​Suffering still silently

When words won’t work
Tears tear through thoughts
Unheard, undisclosed, unknown
When words won’t work…


Whispers of Intimacy

I hear whispers of spirit-
Calling on the Spring wind,
Howling my name…
Caressing my ears teasingly,
Trailing tingling fingers on my throat,
Swirling through tendrils
Of my long hair,
Wrapping warmth around
My shivering soul…

Sending my love in pure energy,
Feeling the harmony of our synergy…
You’re so far, but so close to me,
Still… My most intimate fantasy.



Always reaching,
Never touching
Always longing,
Never holding
Bittersweet illusion,
The lie that feeds
My delusion…
Our (dis)taste for truth
Leaves me in confusion.



I don’t know what is worse-
Shedding silent tears
Or lending voice to the fears…
I don’t want to hurt you
Or make you ache
In this horrible way…
Your gravity grips me,
And I can’t pull away.
I’m lost and found
In those moments,
Knowing I may never be
What you need…
You’re everything to me.




I think maybe
You mistake me,
Think I can’t see
Or feel you…
I may not speak,
But, I feel you
Watching me,
Chiding me,
For my silence…
Is there depth
To the dependence,
Is it addiction
To aesthetic,
Or am I the event horizon,
The point that terrifies…
The endless questions staggering,
Spiraling in and out…
Shattering in Oblivion.


Lonely (Because of Me)

I want to talk to you,
But I don’t want
My stress to rub off on you,
To seem needy,
Or (worse) greedy.
I don’t want to use you,
Or to hurt you,
I want everything I say
To be true,
So I stay away
When I need you the most…
Both haunted and comforted
By our love’s ghost.


Voice in the Void

I don’t like the space
Where loneliness leaves me.
I like to be alone,
But not lonely…
The screams are too loud
With no one’s voice to calm them,
And my throat hurts too bad to sing…
Do you have a voice strong enough
To harmonize with my demons,
To lend them a sentimental ring?



I pretend
That I am afraid
To make this real,
But, in my heart it is…
Maybe I’m not pretending…


Fuck my Loneliness

How can I be so attached
To what I’ve never had?
The spirals of questions,
Surely driving me mad…
Tease me
With what I need,
Then leave me
Crawling, begging, grieving
My own greed…
Why engage these games?
When we both
Whisper each other’s names…
Do we?  Do you?…
I don’t even know
If this makes sense to you…
So, I keep it to myself
Because I’m not sure
You can help…
Even though
My dreams of you
Always do…


Magnolia Moon


Do you see me,
Dancing under the magnolia tree?
Waiting for the moon and stars,
Feeling free…
I hear your whispers,
Enchanting me…
Love is still ours,
Come and see…



When you
Find you,
Let me know, where…
When I
Am I,
I’ll find you, there.


No Reality

It’s strange,
How I feel uneasy
When you settle into me
So easily…
It’s such a paradox,
I know
There is no reality
When I feel like, “We”.
I can’t help it,
It’s where I long to be…
Close to you,
One with me.


You Understand?

Yeah, it’s me
It’s you, too.
I don’t know
Why you act like someone else,
When all I want is you.
You tell me you understand,
I can’t help but doubt,
When you won’t touch my hand,
Or even hear me out…


Fuck Logic

You bring me:
A feral joy,
A determinate hunger,
A terrific tension,
A passionate purpose…
An irrational inspiration
That I can’t ignore.
No matter the struggle,
You are the one-
I long for,
Fight for,



4:00 AM

4:00 AM, awake again…
I know why.
I close my eyes,
And it’s like…
I can feel your heat against my thighs,
Can you hear my whispers and sighs?
Do you feel my fingertips,
Your soul embracing mine…
Our hearts intertwine,
The deepest bliss, for you, to find-
Over and over again in my mind…


Cold Too Long

Throat hoarse from screaming,
Voice failing,
Falling to the floor…
Too weak to knock,
Praying, hoping
You will open the door…


I want to hold you
The way I do in my heart.
I want to disassemble the distance
That keeps tearing us apart.
I want to show you
The depth of my love for you,
I don’t know how, or where to start.

Thankful for Longing

I am grateful for love,
The connection I can’t let go of.
I am thankful for belonging,          (with you)
The reason my heart keeps longing.          (for you)
I have gratitude for you,
Even if you don’t believe me, it’s true.
Even if I can’t be with you,
I still want to.



Cold Wall

Sometimes, when I am cold,
I trace the cracks in the wall between us…
I lay my cheek against rough stone
Eroded from so many years of-
Our pounding,
Our screaming,
Our scratching…
I imagine myself changing state,
Seeping through the tiny cracks
Only to meet your skin,
To touch your warmth,
To not feel alone…
I feel you on the other side,
I know you are hurting too,
And I want to (need to) be against you,
Not this cold wall.
My cold turns wet and lonely,
Soaked in tears I can’t shed.
Shivering, hugging myself in the corner
Inside my head.