Dreams & Delusions…

Archive for August, 2014

Protection, Redemption (Magic Madness pt. 5)

I’m awake again-
He’s screaming
And I can’t save him
He says he doesn’t know
When I ask
What’s wrong?
Oh, but I know…
These pains in me
Are seeping into him
He’s feeling my jagged edges
Pushed into him like glass
My demons haunt him
As if they were his own
He can’t deal
With darkness he’s never known
This pain I can’t share
Is breaking his mind
If I could protect him
It would be my redemption
But I don’t know how
I’d do anything
If I knew
That it would lead me
Back to you
But I don’t know
What to do
I can’t find you…
I’m selfish and weak
I can’t bring myself to speak
I remember a companion,
Strong and true
But I can’t be close to you
…And I don’t know what to do…
Do you?

~Antanya


Moments of Lucidity

I haven’t been breaking…
(Just breaking out)
I’ve never been faking…
(Just feeling doubt)
I’m afraid, you see…
(Scared you’re not real)
Love is calling me…
(Scared I can’t feel)
I’ve been locked…
(Trying to survive)
Feeling blocked…
(Not sure I’m alive)

I thought I could just block out
The love, the longing, and the doubt
But then I realized
That I was keeping myself from feeling alive
Dying for the need to survive
Sacrificing my identity
To care for everyone around me
But the thought of you awakens me
…And I’m tired of blocking you out
In these moments of lucidity
All I want is you to tell me…
Why won’t you tell me?
Tell me to fuck off
Tell me to stay
Tell me what you want…
Because I can’t let go
…Not until I know…

~Antanya


Raised by Ghosts (Magic Madness pt. 4)

I’ve been haunted
As long as I remember
I was raised by ghosts
You see
They are simply
Part of me
I want to be free
From their clutches on me
So I delve deeper,
Aim higher
Push harder
Ban the blindness
So I can see…
So I can love freely…

~Antanya


Sensitivities (Magic Madness pt. 3)

The veil
Has always been thin
In me
Sometimes the dead
Touch me
Dark spirits hover
Tendrils of thought
Devour
My light
I’m paralyzed
They always said
I’ve been sensitive
But do they know
The half of it?
Do you know where
Anxiety lies?
Have you felt the source?
Have you touched dark desires
Knowing they are not your own?
Have you been bound
In darkness
Not able to scream?
Have you had dreams
Nightmares
That turned out true?
Intuition itches
Inside
I rage
I feel the torment
I know my guardians
Are gone.
Time to be my own.
The time has come-
Consume
Or
Be
Consumed.
To protect everyone
I love
Before it’s too late.

~Antanya


Dark Talents (Magic Madness pt. 2)

I hear the knocking
The demons
Are breaking
The door
I’m pressed against
The opposite wall
I feel them
Sniffing
Me
Out
I need to
Make a decision-
Break out
And run
Be exposed
But still pure
Or open the door
Invite them in
Lay with them
Fuck the secrets
Out of these
Dark corners
Dance with the desires
That I’ve always feared
This madness
Threatens everything
I hold sacred
I’m glad you only get glimpses
Because the whole picture
Would shock you
Would break your mind
I’m more than you think
More than I want to be
I have talents
No one sees
That scare me
You can’t save me
I need to save you
From me.

~Antanya


Magic Madness

I feel myself sinking
Into depths I once avoided
Darkness envelops me
I feel desires and truths
That are not mine
Secrets are becoming
Real again
Half-heard whispers
Make me shiver
I look into your eyes
While you hold me
I feel dark energy
Pouring from me
Into you
I see my own madness
In your irises
I want to scream
I want to flail
But I kiss you
Long and slow
You say, under your breath…
“You have magic, when you know how to use it.”
All at once
My heart is a thousand icy needles
You voice my fear
So easily
I want to scream
I want to flail
I want to break the world
I want to burn in my mind
I want to apologize
For not knowing
How to use it
For being afraid
That I will break you
That I will break us both
But I hold you to me
And cry silently
Into your chest
I won’t give
Myself away
I just hope
We can survive this…

~Antanya


See It Too

This is just so beautiful…

loveletterstoaghost

We are drops of sand
formed in the hidden galaxies
of our hearts.
I was yours,
you were mine,
and we counted time
with our heartbeats.
Your pulse still vibrates
under my skin,
your fingers
tracing my shape,
folding me up
inside your
eyes,
hands,
mind.
Point your
eyes skyward
towards the moon,
I know you see it too,
and the night carries us closer.
They will always be the
same stars,
same sky,
same moon.
The same beach sand
and our hands entwined.
Take me
to your favorite place,
your family,
your heart.
Take me with you
when you’re
happy or sad.
Just don’t forget
to take me with you
when you go.

***

Twitter mash up precedes. 🙂

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