Dreams & Delusions…

Archive for October, 2014

Halloween Masks Samhain

This is perfect, I just had to share… 🙂


Love & Death

I may write something spooky today, but in case I don’t, here’s a poem I wrote a few years ago for All Hallows’ Eve. 😉

Through the Fog poetry

While her heart craves harmony,
She won’t give into this soul arsony.
Pain is an old familiar friend,
Reminding her this has no end.

Walking through this haunted hall,
She picks up a broken piece
She reads her analogy
And lets it cease
She writes her elegy…

A memory
Never seems to fade,
That tastes of honey
Laced with nightshade

She hears his ardent call,
Though she refuses to fall.
Screaming throughout her head,
It’s her own voice that she dreads.

Love to make
Her death taste sweet
Her fragile heart to break
Her dying eyes to meet…

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When I am Quiet

When I sit in silence,
My thoughts are liquid, fluid…
My consciousness tilts,
And all of my watery ideas
Rush toward you.
There is nothing left to do
But imagine
You imagining me…
I feel so alive!
So connected,
Shivering,
Our spirits, minds, hearts
Intertwine,
And I am lost
For words, For breath, For thought…
The connection of Love consumes me.

~Antanya


Longer

The strength is tougher than the weakness,
Inside, I’m constantly conflicted…
The hope is harder than the bleakness,
In time, I’m consistently addicted…
The time is never (always) too late,
We wait for our orbits to align,
The patience makes it hard to wait…
Hoping for a definitive sign…
The pain is still difficult to take,
Though we’ve grown intimately and infinitely stronger,
The dream is impossible to wake…
…We said forever, but the feeling lasts vastly longer…

~Antanya


Free (Can You See Me?)

Lately,
I’ve been feeling free.
I’ve been breaking through
The walls of fear that hold me.
I’m uncovering my eyes,
They sting, and it’s hard to see,
But, I’m trying…
Can you see me?
I’m sorry I even felt the need to hide,
Truth is, I feel you by my side…
I’m starting to stop wondering why,
Remembering, I promised, I would fly.
Swirling with you, through a neverending sky…
…As my fears and inhibitions die.

~Antanya


True (Between the Lines)

Some days
(Everyday)
I deeply desire
(It’s you I admire)
To shatter the glass
(I’ll smatter the past)
Between us…
(Love and lust)
My heart tells me
(We’ll still break free)
You’re forever mine
(We’ll stop time)
But, my mind deceives
(As spirit perceives)
As I’m left in altered reality
(As my soul divides in duality)
I still pursue the core of you
(I long to dwell within you, true…)

~Antanya


You Made Me (Angry)

Damned-
If I do,
Damned-
If I don’t…
I try to
Compromise,
But you
Won’t.

Your rigidity
Always
Takes a stab
At me…

Don’t be
Surprised,
When my
Anger
Comes alive…

You’re the one
Who set it free,
You’re the one
Who’s gonna see…
Nobody fucks with me!

*Snarls and shows teeth* 😉
~Antanya


Feral

I’m really feeling this, today…


Indeed. ❤

Coffee With Noor

Sometimes you’ll meet someone who stands out to you, and you don’t know how, but you want them to play a prominent part in your life. You like who they are because they help you figure out who you are.

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Mask of Honesty

Honesty
Has its way with me,
Duty and productivity
Keep me
From letting anyone else
See…

I wear my mask
With certainty,
Knowing no one knows
The real me…

Inside here,
I am still free-

To Scream,
Within a muffled cry…
To Confess,
Before I remember to lie…
To Dream,
Before I decide to die…

~Antanya


I Die When I Lie

I try-
To be content
With remembrance,
But my heart
Does not heed
The hindrance of distance…

I lie-
When I say
I’m completely satisfied,
But no one knows
The extent or deepness
Of our love’s sweetness…

I die-
When I try
To deny the reality
Of my heedless affection,
When I pretend
I don’t need your attention…

~Antanya


Grandfather Clock

When I was little,
I was afraid of my Grandmother’s
Grandfather clock.
It terrified
And fascinated me
In a way
I could not grasp
Or explain at the time….

It was a beautiful thing,
Carved ornately
And stained dark.
I admired it from afar,
But made sure
I never lingered too near.
The brass work at the top
Was simple,
It showed the moon’s phases.

My Grandmother
Would turn the chimes off
When I came to visit
So they would not
Terrify me at night…
They would make
Me scream and shake
In the middle of the night
When she forgot to…

I remember one day,
I worked up the courage
And sat on the floor
Next to the wooden cabinet.
I peered down into the dark,
And it was so black,
I could not see the bottom…

I’m not afraid
Of Grandfather clocks
Anymore…
I am a Grandfather clock.
Attractive from afar,
but sit down next to me,
Look inside…

You always run and hide….

~Antanya


*Shiver*

I feel that old
Cold…
Tickling my neck,
Down my arms,
Down my spine…
Was that breath
Yours, or Mine?

I feel that old
Ache…
Deep in between
My shoulder blades,
Down my back,
Burning in my legs…
What do I lack?

I feel that old
Love…
Burning and freezing,
Wanting and needing,
Pleasing and teasing…
…Ready for feeding…

~Antanya


Diamonds

Beautiful… This is true love.


(There are no) Words

There are no words.
There are-
Breaths,
Gasps,
Movements,
Touches,
Thoughts,
Desires,
Questions,
Needs,
But-
There are no words.

~Antanya


Insatiable

A taste is only a tease…
Almost pleasure
Does not appease,
Is no release…

The thought of you
Endlessly entertains me,
Wondering what we would do
If only we were free…

I tell myself I can handle you,
But you feed on me, Consume me
You always do…
Don’t think I’m blind to this ruse,
Though I never really refuse…

A taste is only a tease…
You leave me insatiable.
Longing to please…

~Antanya


The Well

I needed… Something.
Maybe just to feel alive…
I decided to go for a ride,
I let myself run inside…
Back to the wise old forest,
Hoping I could get some peace and rest.
I came to an ancient well,
Exhausted, I fell.
I gathered myself onto my knees,
Kneeled by the water to drink…
As my cupped hand started to dip,
I felt an alarmingly strong grip!
I fought and struggled with everything in me,
I don’t know who or what grabbed me,
It was too dark to see…
My body didn’t want to drown,
…But, my soul was so damn thirsty!
Half of me fought to break free,
Half of me thought you loved me…
I’m still fighting with this hold,
Pulling me in the dark water, so cold…
I still wonder if this is delusion or confusion…
My heart and soul long for a solution.

~Antanya


Exhausted.

My inner voice keeps screaming-
Focus.
FOCUS.
FOCUS!!!
I don’t understand how.
Being pulled in so many directions-
Stop.
STOP.
STOP!!!
Except, I don’t have time.
I want to sleep-
Dream.
DREAM.
DREAM!!!
These black nights are killing me.
Imagination keeps me free-
Alive.
ALIVE.
ALIVE!!!
I keep reaching…
For love,
For life,
For peace,
For release.

~Antanya


The Thoughts Of You

Wow…

The Migraine Chronicles

They come unplanned,
the thoughts of you.
They come when
I haven’t the slightest clue.

They come with a word, a song
or a face.
Today a question
was the case.

So my mind wanders
and drifts away,
my mind re-lives
the entire day.

This is often
when I go black,
when the memories
come flooding back.

When I can feel
every last little kick,
when I remember
all of it.

When I cast the blame upon myself,
because it was
you and me,
there wasn’t anyone else.

I play re-wind
over and over again.
Then I re-wind it back,
just to play it again.

The thoughts of you
come unplanned,
like a bullet wound
to my head.

I cannot grasp
the severity,
when thoughts of you
inundate me.

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