Dreams & Delusions…

Posts tagged “Missing You

The Silence

I miss⁣
The silence⁣
Between our⁣
Nervous words,⁣
The safety⁣
In the rhythm⁣
Of your breath,⁣
The longing to⁣
Reach out,⁣
Reach you…⁣
Before the⁣
Uncertainty ⁣
Murdered⁣
The moment,⁣
When the connection⁣
Was almost enough…⁣
I miss⁣
The silence…⁣


Complex Paradox

When you feel so far,
When your words
Don’t seem real
When your glance slides away,
I feel small and unremarkable,
Disappointing and empty.

When you are not here,
When the dark
Feels so deep,
When I feel so much I can’t say,
I long to show you and be stripped
Of this panic,
This need and desire…
To be swept away.

I try to focus
On my life,
On everything I have
And am grateful for,
But, you are always
Distracting in my periphery…
Endlessly addictive and sensual,
Teasing treaturously.

Your distance is a paradox,
Leaves me in wonderment,
Of an adoration so complex…

~Antanya


Wonder

The weight of your gravity

Feels immense and ancient,

Like we have danced for ages,

As the stars in the constellations

Swirled and orbited

In the same timeless patterns.

My heart is forever bound

To this ancestral longing,
A glimpse of you stirs my spirit

Into mysterious discovery-

The wonder is the muse.

~Antanya


Our Place

​Some nights,

Laying in the dark-
I can feel you reaching,
Your warmth caressing,
Sharing the same space,
Our place we have made-
In the midnight dark,
My soul longs,
And my heart aches-
Still torn apart.

~Antanya


Whispers of Intimacy

I hear whispers of spirit-
Calling on the Spring wind,
Howling my name…
Caressing my ears teasingly,
Trailing tingling fingers on my throat,
Swirling through tendrils
Of my long hair,
Wrapping warmth around
My shivering soul…

Sending my love in pure energy,
Feeling the harmony of our synergy…
You’re so far, but so close to me,
Still… My most intimate fantasy.

~Antanya


Mirage Daydreams

image

I catch glimpses Of Daydreams,
Shimmering at the end
Into heat haze…
Stay a moment longer,
So I can study your face“,
My heart says silently…
Don’t go…
…And another Daydream
Shimmers past the glimmering horizon,
Dreaming of you, all over again…

~Antanya

Image source: Unknown.

 


Crowded in Busy Lists

I have so much to do-
All these lists
Keep filling my mind,
I’m not sure-
How do you find
A space
In this crowded brain?
I love you-
And it haunts me
All the same…

~Antanya


4:00 AM

4:00 AM, awake again…
I know why.
I close my eyes,
And it’s like…
I can feel your heat against my thighs,
Can you hear my whispers and sighs?
Do you feel my fingertips,
Your soul embracing mine…
Our hearts intertwine,
The deepest bliss, for you, to find-
Over and over again in my mind…

~Antanya


Cold Wall

Sometimes, when I am cold,
I trace the cracks in the wall between us…
I lay my cheek against rough stone
Eroded from so many years of-
Our pounding,
Our screaming,
Our scratching…
I imagine myself changing state,
Seeping through the tiny cracks
Only to meet your skin,
To touch your warmth,
To not feel alone…
I feel you on the other side,
I know you are hurting too,
And I want to (need to) be against you,
Not this cold wall.
My cold turns wet and lonely,
Soaked in tears I can’t shed.
Shivering, hugging myself in the corner
Inside my head.

~Antanya


Our Storm

A celestial rage,
A mystical fury,
A violent inspiration,
Shot straight through me-
A roaring whisper,
A screaming sigh,
A scorching breath,
Stopped wondering why-
A scathing passion,
A heartfelt lashing,
A sincere longing,
Our needs and wants always clashing…

~Antanya


Dreaming

I went for a walk,
And It was like I was dreaming,
Or maybe just fully awake
For the first time in a long time…
The grass was impossibly green,
The sky was illuminated in technicolor blue,
All of the Autumn colors sharper
Than I’ve ever seen them.
I almost cried,
When I thought of how much I miss,
How much beauty passes me by
On any given day-
Maybe I am dreaming
In this world,
And the real me is somewhere with you…
Forgive me for being honest,
But I’d prefer if that were true.

 

~Antanya


Never Wrong

Waiting in the silence,
For your touch on my soul…
Please, let me feel
Your chaotic love
That makes me whole.
My nerves ache and long
For the rhythm of your heart,
For the art of your song…
Please, don’t leave
Without taking me along.
My heart knows,
True love is never wrong.

~Antanya


Heaven

image

I want to look in your eyes
And see your soul…
To intertwine hands,
Never letting go…
I want to find you,
To see the love inside…

To have your gaze
On only me,
For you to be
The only one I see…
That would be Heaven to me.

~Antanya


Awake or Asleep

My early mornings
Are laced with dreams-
Tender, teasing touches,
Passionate kisses,
Whispers and growls,
Bodies and breath,
Writhing in rhythmic cycles…
Your touch goes soul-deep
Whether I’m awake or asleep.
My most treasured fantasies,
My deepest desires,
Are yours to keep…
I don’t need to understand-
My longing soul is caressed
By your strong, soothing hands.

~Antanya


Hazy

No matter how
I try to fill it,
My life feels empty
Without you in it.
Some days the melancholy
Blinds me, it’s all that I can see.
The space where you should be
Feels like a hole, an abyss in me.
I know better, my mind keeps taunting me,
“You don’t belong to anyone, you are free”
Then why do I feel these chains bonding me?
Why do these feelings keep haunting me?
Why do you feel like home to me?
Why can’t I let go, am I crazy?
…The questions never clarify to more than hazy…

~Antanya


Flame & Tide (Heart & Mind)

I’ve been closing out
The thoughts that
Thrive on fear and doubt…

Opening my heart
Where I feel close to you,
We are never apart…

I feel you inside,
Keeping our sacred flame
Safe from the tide…

The thoughts that drag me under
Dissolve in my love for you,
And I’m left in wonder…

When I’m silent,
My need for you is
Gently violent…

~Antanya


Always Hidden

There is a part of me
That always hides,
Feels your pull,
No matter how far,
Reaches invisibly…
The wrong people
Are always looking at me,
I only want you to see me…

~Antanya


How?

How can I ask
For what I know
I don’t deserve?

How can I express
What I know
Wouldn’t change anything?

How can I keep wanting
What I know
I’ll never have?

I don’t know how, or why, but I do.

-Oh, but, I do…

~Antanya


Morning Dream

Light is filtering through the inky blue curtains,
And I am halfway awake, still in a dream daze…
Snuggled deep and warm in pillows and blankets.
I close my eyes to embrace waking slowly, and you are there…

I feel your warm breath…
On my shoulder,
Up my neck,
And into my ear…
A chill runs through me, as I feel your finger trace
Down the naked curve of my spine, and settle,
Cupping your hand around my ass and squeezing…

Your other hand is stroking my hair,
Caressing my neck,
Moving down to cup my breast,
I whimper, as you squeeze me
Gently, but firmly, in your strong hands…
You pull me so close, I can feel your heart pound against my spine.

My blood is ice and fire,
I am consumed
In desire,
In passion,
In need…
I wonder if you feel the same, will you to whisper my name…
I growl in need, my hunger screams to feed…

…But, then I hear the creak of my son’s door,
The pitter-patter of his feet on the floor,
Then, “Hi, mommy”, and my focus snaps to,
I’m forced to put away my fantasies of you…
But, if you asked if I still daydream of you,
I’d smile, and shyly reply, “I do.”…

~Antanya


Insignificant

When the ache
Becomes physical-
My chest stings and burns,
My heart sings and yearns…
The hot tears feel strange to me,
The yearning slaughters the anxiety.
The only fear I can feel
Are voices screaming you’re not real…
I don’t even know
If you want me to stay,
I still love you,
Still think of you anyway…
I wish I could tell you,
But-
I don’t know what to say,
Or if it would make a difference, anyway…

~Antanya

…You can’t stop the pain

You won’t say the words…