Dreams & Delusions…

Archive for February, 2015

Mirror of Equinox

I’m tired of rest,
I’m ready to give my best-
My pain is not me.
No more struggling for breath
Or contemplating death-
My illness is not me.
I condemn the mirror,
Won’t give into the horror-
My body is not me.
I won’t allow myself to sink,
No drowning in ink-
My mind is not me.
I’m opening to light,
Where love finds sight-
My heart is me.
Taking the opportunity,
Open to possibility-
My soul is me.
Holding you dear,
Love keeps you near-
My love is me.
When we break away from fear,
We come together here-
You are me.

~Antanya


You Say…

This really resonated with me… ❤

loveletterstoaghost

You say my name
like it matters,
like it means something
more than me,
like it’s beauty
tied to hope.

And that’s lovely, isn’t it?

I wonder how you would say it
if you knew the caverns
carved in my heart
or the dirt I shoveled into them.
Would my name
roll off your tongue
like the dark
and desecrated pieces
that I am
or would you still think
it’s beautiful?

View original post


Dichotomy

Within me-  
There is a dichotomy
Between needing
You to love me
The same way
I love you
And needing
You not to hurt
The way I do…

It’s impossible- 
How it still  
Comforts my heart,
Constricts my throat
To imagine you
Thinking of me…
I’d rather face it
Together than apart,
But, where do we start?

~Antanya


Tell Me Something Beautiful

I felt this one to my core… Nice work, BB.

The Migraine Chronicles

10906530_1125590247466391_5184873931770600087_n

Tell me something beautiful
Something I need to hear
I can’t breathe right now
Not without you near

Tell me something beautiful
Something that I can feel
My lungs can’t take pressure
I need to know you’re real

Tell me something beautiful
The darkness covers me
Tell me that the light remains
So maybe I can see

Tell me something beautiful
You know I’m fading fast
Please tell me something beautiful
Why do you make me ask

View original post


Grey (Void)

Grey.
There is no
Light or dark,
Black or white,
Here.
There is only me
And my uncertain fear.
Hope is like a memory
That feels locked in periphery…
I feel traces of you, still…
Like smoke in the air,
Like soot on my skin,
Ashes in the water.
You’ve infiltrated
My inner void,
There is no empty,
When you still fill me.
There is no peace
From the call,
There is no break
For the fall.
I feel so lonely,
Disconnected
From it all…
Grey.
There is no
Light or dark,
Black or white,
Here.
There is only me
And my uncertain fear…

~Antanya


Silently Vulnerable

The silence
Slices, slashes
Rents in steel armor
Exposing vulnerability
I don’t mean to hide,
I need you to come find me…

 

~Antanya


Darkroom Lighting Adjustment

This is so beautiful… ❤

Sophisticating the Rudimentary

He glimpsed in her the possibility of an unwavering light; the constant, overpowering source of life that allows nothing dark to stay without an interrogation proving its validity. She, for a moment, caught sight of a hidden trove of underexposed prints in the darkroom of his soul, and with her assuring smile, replaced the gloomy incandesce of the reddish hue that had until then glowed in that place within him with a brilliance of illumination. The change in lighting caused him  a temporary blindness, feeling at once thrilled with the temporary disappearance of the darkroom fears and a frightening sensation of what her reaction would be when she saw what was hiding in wait. As his eyes adjusted to the light she brought to the contrasted dark of his life, he realized what she had been doing while his sight was lost. The illumination she cast into the darkroom…

View original post 64 more words


Star Soul

BYFJt3HCIAAGtAc

I’ve been in the dark so long,
I’ve grown accustomed to this-
But, this is no ordinary abyss…
My night vision sharpened,
I see more than black here,
My vision no longer veiled by fear…

Violet, indigo, and deep green
Swirl in the endless dense fog
Within…  My dark is not empty.
I’ve wandered for what seems
Like an eternity, I don’t remember
Beginning, or ever being aware
Of an end, it just is…  I just am.

In my wanderings, I found
The synergistic bond within,
Where darkness and light
Are no longer opposite…
Where they run parallel,
Twisting, flowing like water…
Intertwining in double-helixes,
In intricate, infinite knots…

For within me, there is also
A well of stars and molten gold.
A pool of the purest source,
I’m drawn into it’s healing force…
An awareness washes over me,
This is the love I was created to be…

I’ll dip my fingers in liquid light,
And dance, slinging luminescence
Through this dark, until you see me
Until I see you, feel you, heal you…
And the smile in your heart heals me, too…

Do not fear the duality in your soul,
It’s this very struggle which keeps you whole.
We thrive in darkness, as well as light,
We need both, to remember what’s right.
I’ll hold you within, ’til the dawn breaks bright,
Loving and healing you through this long night…

~Antanya

images


Illuminate the World

Yes, this…

Source of Inspiration

eternal-light-bringers-hartmut-jager

We illuminate the world
by our existence
our Being shines unattended.
The Light is eternal
coming forth from deep within.

View original post


Rainy Day (with You) *Adult*

Draw me into this wicked trance
Let me show you my rain dance
Come here, show me those plans
Warm my body with your fervent hands
Snuggle up to me in warm covers
Remind me that we will always be lovers
Whisper your love in my ear
Until I can’t remember the fear
Kiss me like we do in our dreams
Show me this is more than it seems
Stroke your fingers through my hair
Touch my soul with your heated stare
Pull me close, heat growing intense
Let the anticipation heighten all sense
My fingers swirling and stroking your skin
My only desire, to completely let you in
Your hand slides between my thighs
As I stroke you, I sigh, “*****, you’re my favorite high…”
Teasing, moving together, we start to groan
The rhythm of your fingers makes me moan
You whisper my name, then growl in need
We long to satiate the hunger, to finally feed
I can’t take it anymore, I need you deep inside
You pull me on to you, I gasp and moan in a slow ride
We don’t need to hurry, baby, please take your time
Give us something to remember, perfect and sublime
Won’t stop until we’re both satisfied and ready for sleep
An eternal, treasured memory for only us to keep

~Antanya

Just a rainy day fantasy…  We all have those, right?  😉


Who Needs Opiates? (I Have Dreams)

I caught a glimpse
Of you, last night.
I recognized you,
For the first time
In a long time…
Felt the longing
And the understanding,
Just enough to leave
The imprint of memory…
A second of warmth
Before waking…

Shivering in cold sweat,
Too early to rise,
With an ache that
Wouldn’t go away…
I drifted back
Into empty darkness
And woke in a fog
Of remembrance…

Please, torture me
Some more.
Let me dream
Of whom I adore,
So, in waking,
This pain,
I can ignore…


Never Turn Away

Our love is-
Immense,
Passionate,
Soul-strengthening,
Heart-shattering,
and intense…
I miss you,
More than words
Can ever do justice.
I’d still suffer it all again,
For this love
I can never turn away from.

~Antanya


Moth

I love this! Moths and butterflies are special to me…


Help?!

You see me struggling,
And you add to my burden.
Complain until you get what you want,
Then you don’t have time to help.
The pain on my face is enough
To cause you to pause,
But not enough for empathy.
My cries for help are met
With a sympathetic face
And still hands…
I want to scream at you,
But, I kiss you goodbye.  
You leave,
I cry.
Another fucked up morning…

~Antanya


Suffocated, Stifled, Silent

I feel suffocated by my own mind.
I want to tell you how I’m feeling,
But, I’m lost in confusion…
I don’t know
Which thoughts to express,
And which I need to discard.
So, I feel choked out, I stay silent.
I tell myself I don’t need to tell you,
But, the need for you becomes more violent.
I don’t want to cause you any more pain,
So, maybe it’s better if I stay quiet.
Even when it kills me,
Maybe, especially then…

~Antanya


Personal thoughts..

Exactly.