Dreams & Delusions…

Archive for August, 2019

Worth Their Weight

I remember

The raw pain

And the emptiness

That stretched along

The years…

I used to wish

I had never known you,

Though now

I am grateful

You found a way,

To show me

I’m not alone…

Gave me a love

To curl into

When everything else

Falls away.

I would rather have this

Passion and longing,

Darkness and light

Intertwined-

Than the absence,

The vacuous abyss…

The substance to crave

In the emptiness of

This fucked up world,

Companionship and love

Are worth

Their weight in pain.


Understanding

Anxiety became bearable

The moment I understood

What it was,

And where it came from.

I have always had an awkward

Sense of loneliness,

Even while around those

I love,

Who love me genuinely…

I’m not sure

If the loneliness is from being Misunderstood,

Or if I just don’t fit

With other humans…

And maybe it’s why

I have such a hard time

With letting go…

You met me in this space,

Gave my loneliness

A beautiful name,

Made a safe place

To lay out our mess,

Softened through the rain…

~Antanya


Every Time

I’m back trying to heal,

Divining the fiction

From the real,

And every time I delve

Into myself,

I find you,

A little deeper,

Closer,

Yet further

Away…

~Antanya


Everything I Can’t Say

Darkness,

Our rise,

And our downfall.

How many times

Have we met here?

Whispered,

Screamed,

Touched,

Held…

You don’t want to stay,

And I don’t blame you.

My heart still reaches for you,

I think it always will,

You were always

There for me

In the dark…

I will always wonder

Why we keep ending up

Here,

When all I feel

Is the empty,

The longing,

Stretching forever,

And your back

Walking away…

I feel-

Left with nothing,

And everything

I can’t say…

~Antanya


Too Much

I never mean to

Drag you down with me,

I don’t want to trouble you

Or to be too painful to hold,

But intention is not reality,

And we don’t always succeed

In doing as we say.

I’m sorry that I am

Boring

Selfish

Annoying

Short-sighted

Neurotic

Anxious,

I’m sorry

I

Am

Too

Much…

~Antanya