I remember
The raw pain
And the emptiness
That stretched along
The years…
I used to wish
I had never known you,
Though now
I am grateful
You found a way,
To show me
I’m not alone…
Gave me a love
To curl into
When everything else
Falls away.
I would rather have this
Passion and longing,
Darkness and light
Intertwined-
Than the absence,
The vacuous abyss…
The substance to crave
In the emptiness of
This fucked up world,
Companionship and love
Are worth
Their weight in pain.
August 9, 2019 | Categories: Conversation, Musings, Poetry, Thoughts | Tags: Acceptance, ache, Companionship, emptiness, Grateful, I'll Always Love You, Longing, Passion, Thankful | Leave a comment
Anxiety became bearable
The moment I understood
What it was,
And where it came from.
I have always had an awkward
Sense of loneliness,
Even while around those
I love,
Who love me genuinely…
I’m not sure
If the loneliness is from being Misunderstood,
Or if I just don’t fit
With other humans…
And maybe it’s why
I have such a hard time
With letting go…
You met me in this space,
Gave my loneliness
A beautiful name,
Made a safe place
To lay out our mess,
Softened through the rain…
~Antanya
August 4, 2019 | Categories: Musings, Poetry, Thoughts | Tags: Acceptance, Attachment, Familiarity, Letting Go, Life, Loneliness | Leave a comment
I’m back trying to heal,
Divining the fiction
From the real,
And every time I delve
Into myself,
I find you,
A little deeper,
Closer,
Yet further
Away…
~Antanya
August 3, 2019 | Categories: Musings, Poetry, Thoughts | Tags: Attachment, Authenticity, Awareness, Being Honest, Connection, Cycles, Distance, Mindfulness, So Close, Soul, Spirituality | Leave a comment
Darkness,
Our rise,
And our downfall.
How many times
Have we met here?
Whispered,
Screamed,
Touched,
Held…
You don’t want to stay,
And I don’t blame you.
My heart still reaches for you,
I think it always will,
You were always
There for me
In the dark…
I will always wonder
Why we keep ending up
Here,
When all I feel
Is the empty,
The longing,
Stretching forever,
And your back
Walking away…
I feel-
Left with nothing,
And everything
I can’t say…
~Antanya
August 3, 2019 | Categories: Musings, Poetry, Thoughts | Tags: Acceptance, ache, emptiness, I Miss You, Longing | Leave a comment
I never mean to
Drag you down with me,
I don’t want to trouble you
Or to be too painful to hold,
But intention is not reality,
And we don’t always succeed
In doing as we say.
I’m sorry that I am
Boring
Selfish
Annoying
Short-sighted
Neurotic
Anxious,
I’m sorry
I
Am
Too
Much…
~Antanya
August 3, 2019 | Categories: Musings, Poetry, Thoughts, Uncategorized | Tags: Acceptance, Anxiety, Burden, Too Much | Leave a comment
