Dreams & Delusions…

Archive for September, 2014

Walk Through the Night

Just know-
I’m searching for a way
To let go
Of the sorrow today…

When I release
My futile hold,
I feel this peace
Instead of cold…

My love for you
Is warm and true,
I still long
To be close to you…

In my daydreams,
You are still there…
More than it seems,
I know you still care…

I’m starting to realize-
My heart won’t ever be right,
I’ll make it, dry my eyes…
Walk through the night
‘Til I find your light…

~Antanya


Some People Hold On

This feels so familiar.


Just Be Calm

This resonates so strongly with me… 🙂

Source of Inspiration

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Calmness comes, not from a pill.
True serenity is a soul well healed.
Forgiveness and gratitude pave the way.
Calmness comes not from a pill.
Let go of judgement.
Have no opinion on what doesn’t concern you.
Calmness comes, not from a pill.
True serenity is a soul well healed.

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Close Your Hand

If I shatter,
Please,
Close your hand
Around my shards
Before they scatter-

If some of the pieces
Stick in your hand,
They are yours to keep,
But then I need you
Close to me…

If you can’t stand
The pain of holding me,
Extract the shards,
Hand them back,
Leave me be…

I can’t force you-
To love,
Or understand
Me.

I can only hope,
And, so, I do…
Maybe, someday,
I can be close to you…

Lately, all I remember
Of sleep
Is black, like my dreams
Have been veiled to me-
Maybe, if I really try
I can still dream of you-
Fuck,
I still want to…

~Antanya


Always

It’s not just in the darkness
When I long for your kisses
Even when I’m happy
I want you near me
When I’m dancing
And I feel beautiful and free
My heart wants your soul to see me
When I’m in the throws of ecstasy
These thoughts of you are
Magnificent and lovely
There is more than tears
In these almost-memories
I’ve held for so many years
When I see beyond these fears…
I always love you,
I always want you,
Here.

~Antanya


Immense Flaring Passion

You infinitely inspire
My immeasurable imagination,
Intellectually stimulated
By your immensity…
Intrigued by your Intelligence-

Fan me until I flare
Ferociously furious flames
Fight to find
(Me, You, Us)
Never final,
Never finished,
Falling forever-

Purify me
In personal power.
Perch proudly
In patience,
Paranormal becoming physical,
Poetic and possible…
Perceiving our personas,
Persuasive and potent,
Personified passion.

~Antanya


Love’s Salvation

Oh, hope… I miss you.

Through the Fog poetry

Here I lay,
Body frozen, eyes fixed,
I cannot trust my heart,
Caught in the web of my own deceit…
The agony of my desire consumes me…
How can you save me?

There you stand,
Within an arm’s reach,
Calling to my heart,
But I am bound by my own fear…
I cannot break free…
How can I save you?

Glaring into the dark,
I see a faint glow,
The light of hope,
Please be the joy I have searched for…
Please release me from my pain…
How can you save us?

But, alas, the glow fades away,
Replaced by cold, gripping fear,
We are lost now in the darkness,
There is no more joy…
There is only pain with no release…
How can we save ourselves?

In a final attempt,
I reach out in the blackness,
Afraid of the emptiness I might find,
I find your hand, and grasp…

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Lost Sanctuary

I’ve been reminiscing lately…
I reread some of the thoughts
I’ve recorded along the way
I realize-
I haven’t let go.
I haven’t moved on.
I haven’t even moved.
I’ve been still.
For so long.
I never changed.
I just shifted
My perceptions
Until they were
Beautiful
To me.

When I look
Inside now,
I see-
This place has become
Dark
and
Dirty.
The windows
Are long-due
For a cleaning.
Fragments of you
And shards of me
Are mixed
In dust piles
Covered in cobwebs
On loose, creaky floorboards.

A player-piano
Plays a painfully
Out-of-tune
Refrain…
Tears drip
From obscure eyes
On keys
That move
like ghosts
In golden-hued
Motes of dust.

Walls twist
Like earthquake rubble-
In ways that aren’t possible
To remain standing
In waking worlds.
Stained-glass shards
Fall like deadly glitter
On dingy, ornate brocade-
Tapestries that once shone
With richness and glory.

The princess grew
Into a queen
But no one remembered.
The tower stayed locked
Nobody bothered
To scale walls
Forgotten,
Covered in thorns.

I’ve waited here
For so long-
I feel ethereal.
If you tried
To touch me now,
Maybe I would
Just shimmer,
Disappear,
Evanescent,
In forgotten dreams…

Would you cry
If I wasn’t real,
Would you even try
To feel?
Would you be happy
That you could no longer
See me?
Would you scream
In horror
Like I was a bad dream?

Maybe I’ve faded away,
Like every memory
I’ve been scared to let you
Discard…
Maybe…
There is no me.
Maybe…
I’m just a ghost,
A lost memory…

~Antanya


Do you hear? (Which is worse?)

Some days-
I feel you
A little too close
To the edge
Our edges
Like to overlap
Maybe that’s why
We keep the dream
Alive inside
For the want of life
For the love
Of each other
I’m trying to understand
But how can I
Discern the silence
When I can hear
You scream inside
Do you hear
Me screaming, too?
Have I been dreaming
Too long,
Or is this
The truth?
I don’t know
Which is worse…

~Antanya


Ghosts (Magic Madness pt. 6)

When I speak of my ghosts
I’m not speaking of you
You haunt me in different ways
…Though, no less true…

Don’t misunderstand me
It’s not what you do
But what I do with it
That breaks me
Over
and
Over
and
Over…

What do I do
With what I can’t express?
…With what leaves me
Dumbstruck and breathless?
How do I cope with
What I can’t
Confess?

When I speak of my ghosts
I’m not speaking of you
You haunt me in different ways
…Though, no less true…

~Antanya