Dreams & Delusions…

Archive for January, 2015

Show Me

Doubt is a thief of peace 
And a destroyer of hope…  
If I could make the fear release,
Maybe I could finally cope.
Can you lift my spirit, my heart
Like you used to do?
‘Cause staying away, apart
Only makes me ache for you…
I’m coming completely undone
Every fucking day.   
Please, tell me I’m not the only one
Searching for a way…
I feel your pain, is it for me?
Stop me from wondering,
Tell me the truth, set me free…
Show me my hungering
Heart in your hand,
Show me you love me and understand.

~Antanya

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Avoidance (You Should Know)

My body is tired,
But my mind is exhausted
From trying not to think,
Trying not to imagine
Or remember you.
It’s not that
I don’t want to,
Fuck, you don’t know
How much I do…
It’s that I can’t
Seem to think of
Anything or anyone else
While you are occupying
The space in my brain
And that drives me
Quite insane.                                 
Oh, but my heart
Never tires, and
You are always there…
This gives me comfort,
Infuses me with strength,
Warms me when nothing else will.
I thought, maybe, you should know,
I mean, I love you, still…

~Antanya

I wrote this a few days ago, and it comforted me to read it today.


Forevermore

It’s happening again…
My mind is shutting me in.
The need to express
Grows to excess,
As I long to heal
The you-shaped hole
In my chest.
And I’m so exhausted,
I can’t seem to rest…
But my mind keeps screaming
That what my heart feels
Is not real,
How is that possible,
When it’s the way I feel?
I’m not sure if it’s weakness
Or impossible strength
That keeps me
Riding this wavelength…
I hate being bound by doubt,
But if I can’t speak,
There is no way out.
Will there be a day
When we can love
Without walking away?
I’ve been trying for years,
And I’d struggle through many more
To destroy these fears, to validate these tears…
To heal with the one I’ll always love and adore.

~Antanya


You

Indeed… I love this!

Fragile and Strong

You

Somehow
I keep coming back to you
Without words
It feels as if you see me
Have always seen me
Silently watching
Knowing
Yours

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Three Words (Over and Over)

I long to open my heart past the restraints of my mind…
Where I can show you my love for you, fierce, loyal, and kind…
I keep over thinking every word, wishing I could hear you…
I won’t get over this, or I would have by now, what can I do?
My voice keeps repeating:
I love you, I Love You, I LOVE YOU!!!

~Antanya


Mirrored Walls

You keep digging, what do you think you’ll find?
If you won’t let me in, you won’t know my mind.
You think you know, but all you see are my mirrored walls.
I refuse to open up when you can’t hear my spirit’s calls…
If you keep pushing, I’ll piss you off. I’m programmed to offend.
Unless you try to help, to understand, my mind will only defend.
Give me a reason to trust you, if you want to see deep inside…
I don’t let just anyone in the dark cave where my demons hide.

~Antanya


Mine

I’m not okay.
Though, I’ll tell you-
“I’m fine.”
Even though I hate that line.
You don’t need to see
The demons in my mind-
Some parts of me are better
Left for no one to find…
These struggles aren’t yours-
They’re mine.

~Antanya