Dreams & Delusions…

Posts tagged “Frustration

Beautiful

I have a strange relationship⁣⁣
With the word “beautiful”.⁣⁣
Now, I know this is⁣⁣
Supposed to be⁣⁣
A compliment,⁣⁣
Is a rite of passage for some-⁣⁣
But, when I am called beautiful,⁣⁣
I seldom feel a lift in mood,⁣⁣
That word puts me on alert…⁣⁣
Every time someone wants something⁣⁣
From me, it always starts with “beautiful”-⁣⁣
As if attraction is an excuse for abuse,⁣⁣
For ignorance of my boundaries, or of my emotional state.⁣⁣
I am not ungrateful that my physical presence is treasured,⁣⁣
Though, I notice…⁣⁣
So many enjoy looking at me,⁣⁣
But the conversation grows stale⁣⁣
When I try to interact,⁣⁣
When I move from a decoration to a soul.⁣⁣
I don’t speak to deaf ears.⁣⁣
I’m not a fucking decoration.⁣⁣
I’m a frustrated woman.⁣⁣
More than beautiful,⁣⁣
Alive.⁣⁣
~Antanya⁣⁣


Fucking Wednesday.

Watched,
Silently shamed
By such innocent eyes-
Taught,
Guided, reigned
Disguised as spies-
Glittering,
Shining, cracked
Clean break in the lid-
Fluttering,
Flowing, fucked
Wonder what I did…

-Antanya

In reflection of my frustrating morning…


Jagged

I am
Disappointing,
Frustrating,
Misleading,
Jagged,
Frail…
I am
Disappointed,
Frustrated,
Mislead,
Jagged,
Frail…
I am,
I am…

~Antanya


Cunt

Do not mistake
My calculation
For hesitation…
I will still take out
Your execution in
Post-frustration.
Personified insanity,
You think you should
Fuck with me?
My family?
Keep pushing,
You’ll see-
Just how destructive I can be.

~Antanya

Someone has been manipulating my family, and I’m sick of the bullshit.  I’m trying to vent in a constructive way…


You Understand?

Yeah, it’s me
It’s you, too.
I don’t know
Why you act like someone else,
When all I want is you.
You tell me you understand,
I can’t help but doubt,
When you won’t touch my hand,
Or even hear me out…

~Antanya


Frustrated

Some days
I feel as though the Universe
Is playing a fucked up game,
Using me as a pawn…
I wake up with motivation,
Ready to take on the day,
But everything I do unravels
Until I cry in frustration
And literally cannot function.
I know there is more,
Is it worth reaching for?
I hope so,
I keep trying…
Even when life tells me, “no”.

~Antanya


Obsession is not Devotion

Sometimes,
When people
“Want the best”
For me,
is when I least
Want their company.
Yeah, I heard you,
“I’m only doing this
Because I love you”
But, what you really mean is-
“Do this, because I love you”
They are not the same.
One is an expression of care,
The other is manipulation to soothe
Your conscience.
I am not an object, I feel real emotions.
Please, don’t disguise your obsession as devotion.

~Antanya


Unexpressed

Words are fuckers, sometimes…
When all I want is to express
This desirous need in excess,
The words won’t assemble to confess-
My aching heart drowns in loneliness.

~Antanya