I Hope it’s Just Me
I’m not really sure if you care,
Or if it is a cruel running joke…
Sometimes, I can feel you there,
Even see you, as through smoke.
You don’t deserve to be my leaning post,
I don’t deserve to be the one you love the most.
I love you, I hope that you are okay,
That you have found a way out of the dismay.
That you don’t think of me every day,
At least, not in this painful way…
~Antanya
Likes
I’m not sure
If it’s ironic
Or sad…
I get the most
Likes I’ve ever had
When I record my thoughts
When I’m lonely, completely mad…
~Antanya
Okay
I don’t know why
It’s comforting when you lie,
It’s not okay, not even remotely,
But, for some reason, it’s what I want
You to tell me.
~Antanya
Lonely (Because of Me)
I want to talk to you,
But I don’t want
My stress to rub off on you,
To seem needy,
Or (worse) greedy.
I don’t want to use you,
Or to hurt you,
I want everything I say
To be true,
So I stay away
When I need you the most…
Both haunted and comforted
By our love’s ghost.
~Antanya
Voice in the Void
I don’t like the space
Where loneliness leaves me.
I like to be alone,
But not lonely…
The screams are too loud
With no one’s voice to calm them,
And my throat hurts too bad to sing…
Do you have a voice strong enough
To harmonize with my demons,
To lend them a sentimental ring?
~Antanya
Pretending
I pretend
That I am afraid
To make this real,
But, in my heart it is…
Maybe I’m not pretending…
~Antanya
Elusive, yet ever Present…
You are
The incessant desire
Unfulfilled,
The one
For whom my heart
Would break its own will…
~Antanya
I Can’t Stop
She has a gift for putting into words emotions that I have only felt and have such a hard time expressing. This is why I love art.
I say that I can’t stop,
that some ineffable force
drives me
to look for you,
write to you,
remember you.
I claim that I can’t help it.
I can’t help
the incessantness
of it all,
like I have the inability
to forget.
And that’s true.
Sort of.
I try to convince myself
it’s unavoidable,
but, really,
it’s because
I don’t want to stop.
I love the way
these words feel
on my fingers,
the way they walk
from my hands,
and plant gardens
on the page,
the way they bleed
from my veins
and scorch
the eyes
and ears
and hearts
of the world.
I want to see your face,
take sneak peeks
into your world.
I want to watch you play,
hear the melody alighting
from your hands.
I want to see you,
but no one is forcing me.
There is no gun or knife
encouraging me to…
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Magnolia Moon
Do you see me,
Dancing under the magnolia tree?
Waiting for the moon and stars,
Feeling free…
I hear your whispers,
Enchanting me…
Love is still ours,
Come and see…
💜
~Antanya
Ride
I want to ride you,
To feel the spasm
Of each peak
Of your crescendo,
Drowning in a tantric ocean
Of orgasmic waves…
Rocking with the motion
My soul still craves…
~Antanya
Basking
I want to slumber
All day, into the night…
Dream of waking in your arms,
Basking in your morning light…
~Antanya
Cathedral
I never felt spiritual
In the pews,
Only bewildered
And confused,
I don’t believe in a God
Who hates,
Bashes, filters, or berates.
I worship the Love and Peace
That makes the pain of life cease…
My prayers are heard
Deep in Earth,
This knowledge-
My sacrament since birth.
The light through the trees,
Humming in vibration,
Like swarms of bees…
I complete my withdrawal
From Man’s church,
Into my Redwood Cathedral.
~Antanya
Cunt
Do not mistake
My calculation
For hesitation…
I will still take out
Your execution in
Post-frustration.
Personified insanity,
You think you should
Fuck with me?
My family?
Keep pushing,
You’ll see-
Just how destructive I can be.
~Antanya
Someone has been manipulating my family, and I’m sick of the bullshit. I’m trying to vent in a constructive way…
Harmonizing
Stop judging the journey-
To appreciate the assurance
Of a euphoric epiphany-
Our vibrant voices
In chaotic chorus-
A spiritual symphony…
~Antanya
Neon Socks
You know the code
To my heart’s solid lock-
…You know I’d rock
Your black cat
Out of its neon socks…
~Antanya
Through the Fog poetry 