Dreams & Delusions…

Archive for September, 2020

I talk to myself,⁣⁣
Because I know⁣⁣
I’m the only one⁣⁣
Who will listen.⁣⁣
⁣⁣
My throat⁣⁣
And my fingers ache,⁣⁣
Heavy with the words⁣⁣
I can’t seem to find-⁣⁣
I miss you⁣⁣
So fucking much.⁣⁣

I know that if we⁣⁣
Are truly connected,⁣⁣
You are never really gone…⁣⁣
I see your hand reaching for me,⁣⁣
But all I can do is bleed,⁣⁣
I hear you, calling,⁣⁣
But I can’t speak.⁣⁣

I swallow my feelings⁣⁣
In my dry throat⁣⁣
And wish that I could cry.⁣⁣
⁣⁣
I talk to myself,⁣⁣
Because I know⁣⁣
I’m the only one⁣⁣
Who will listen.⁣⁣


Fractured

Iridescent shards⁣
Of my past⁣
Stick in the callouses⁣
On the bottoms⁣
Of my soiled feet,⁣
I try so hard to step⁣
Gently, purposefully-⁣
Then brush the shards⁣
Away from my skin, ⁣
Pain persists⁣
And the microscopic⁣
Daggers still embed⁣
Their way into me,⁣
The bloody remnants⁣
Of fear⁣
Leave me raw,⁣
Restless and uncertain-⁣
Lost in me, ⁣
Again.⁣


Mercy

I forgive myself,⁣
No longer burdened⁣
With the guilt of past⁣
Loneliness,⁣
Or how we staved it off.⁣

I see now⁣
How I have kept myself⁣
Small,⁣
Folded me into a note⁣
That could fit in your pocket,⁣
Just to feel your warmth.⁣

I forgive myself:⁣
For forgetting⁣
I have my own,⁣
And for seeking it⁣
Elsewhere.⁣

For limiting my⁣
Experience,⁣
Making everything scarce⁣
So that I could see⁣
More of you.⁣

I forgive myself-⁣
I forgive you.⁣
I love myself-⁣
And I love you.⁣

~Antanya


Watercolor

You will always⁣
Find me⁣
Where the light⁣
Fades, melds⁣
Into dark…⁣
Autumnal soul-⁣
Forever diving⁣
Into the galaxies⁣
In my mind,⁣
In your heart…⁣
Watercolor emotion,⁣
Bleeding into black.


The Silence

I miss⁣
The silence⁣
Between our⁣
Nervous words,⁣
The safety⁣
In the rhythm⁣
Of your breath,⁣
The longing to⁣
Reach out,⁣
Reach you…⁣
Before the⁣
Uncertainty ⁣
Murdered⁣
The moment,⁣
When the connection⁣
Was almost enough…⁣
I miss⁣
The silence…⁣