Fatally Futile

I can still feel you,

And I don’t know
What I should do.
My heart calls for you,
But that hasn’t
Brought me to you.
The years and the tears
Have been for naught,
Though they have taught
Me some hard truths,
Still, no closer to you.
If you wonder why
I have fallen silent,
I have realized how futile
It truly is
To scream for what
Is not mine.
To wait, though I still do,
Is a waste of our time…
I hope you have found
A better use
For yours,
Than I have for mine.
I hope that you find
What you’ve been searching for
In your heart, your soul, your mind.

~Antanya

Where

I never wanted to leave.

It’s been hard to believe…
I had no solace or reprieve,
I never wanted to leave.

I didn’t want you to go.
In some way, you know…
The pain forced us to grow,
I didn’t want you to go.

I still feel you near.
Even through all the fear…
My love for you in every tear,
I still feel you near.

Where should we run?
Still longing to be one…
Hand in hand, toward the sun,
Where should we run?

~Antanya

Do You?

Do you know

The burning in your chest
When you have cried so hard
You can’t take a breath?
Do you know
The agony of love
That can’t be expressed,
The pain that never rests?
Do you know what that does,
When it drags on for years,
When it empties you,
Claws it’s way through you,
Every night?
Yes.
I know it’s you.
Why do you think I have opened up?
I can feel you searching me.
You say I can change this.
You say you know,
But do you?
I don’t really know,
But I don’t think you do.

~Antanya

Ouroboros

Sometimes my heart screams,

Wordlessly.
Sometimes my mind runs,
Tirelessly.
Sometimes my soul yearns,
Limitlessly.
When you are the subject,
I become focused
Intensely,
Internally,
Intently.
All the swirling maelstroms
Take shape,
In endless
Spirals
And
Figure eights.

~Antanya

Impossible

You think I could forget you,

But that has never been true…
Love won’t let me ever
Lose the memory of you.
I simply have no place
Asking you for anything,
I may have left only a trace,
But, to me, it was everything.
Please, don’t ask me to
Wipe my mind clear of you,
If you, my love, only knew,
How impossible that would be, to do.

~Antanya

Mastering the Slide

The sodden ground
Has gotten quite slippery
It’s a good thing
I’m learning to master
The controlled slide…
~Antanya

I almost fell on my face in the mud scrambling back up the creek bank after taking this photo of a blooming skunk cabbage, and this is where my mind took it. I was originally going to post this to Instagram, but my photo/text editor has decided not to work for me anymore. I hope you enjoy.

Tell Me-

​Could I be- more than a memory,

While I’m still alive?
More than a blur- in your periphery,
Live for more, than just to survive?
‘Cause I have this urge to howl
Every night at the moon,
Long to soothe away your scowl,
If not now, then- Soon.
I’m trying to speak- To find my voice,
To sing again, pure and true,
Our tale of circumstance and choice,
To remind you- I. Love.You.

~Antanya