Dreams & Delusions…

Posts tagged “Love

Entanglement

I fall into awareness,⁣
Presence.⁣
Chills through my limbs⁣
And down my spine…⁣
I see you,⁣
In my mind’s eye-⁣
It’s been a long time⁣
Want to stay,⁣
Safe and welcome-⁣
Send my love,⁣
And hope it catches⁣
A trace of you.


Mercy

I forgive myself,⁣
No longer burdened⁣
With the guilt of past⁣
Loneliness,⁣
Or how we staved it off.⁣

I see now⁣
How I have kept myself⁣
Small,⁣
Folded me into a note⁣
That could fit in your pocket,⁣
Just to feel your warmth.⁣

I forgive myself:⁣
For forgetting⁣
I have my own,⁣
And for seeking it⁣
Elsewhere.⁣

For limiting my⁣
Experience,⁣
Making everything scarce⁣
So that I could see⁣
More of you.⁣

I forgive myself-⁣
I forgive you.⁣
I love myself-⁣
And I love you.⁣

~Antanya


Watercolor

You will always⁣
Find me⁣
Where the light⁣
Fades, melds⁣
Into dark…⁣
Autumnal soul-⁣
Forever diving⁣
Into the galaxies⁣
In my mind,⁣
In your heart…⁣
Watercolor emotion,⁣
Bleeding into black.


The Silence

I miss⁣
The silence⁣
Between our⁣
Nervous words,⁣
The safety⁣
In the rhythm⁣
Of your breath,⁣
The longing to⁣
Reach out,⁣
Reach you…⁣
Before the⁣
Uncertainty ⁣
Murdered⁣
The moment,⁣
When the connection⁣
Was almost enough…⁣
I miss⁣
The silence…⁣


Mute

The ache⁣
Steals the words⁣
From my tongue,⁣
The pain⁣
Scrapes the memories⁣
Through my brain…⁣
How do you speak⁣
So easily,⁣
Why do I fall silent ⁣
When my heart screams?


Start Softly

Hold me,⠀
I will hold you back,⠀
Lay with me⠀
And whisper all of those secrets⠀
We don’t share with anyone else…⠀
I need to be vulnerable⠀
And know that I am safe⠀
Before I can let you in…⠀
Once we have shared enough,⠀
We can let the real fun begin.⠀

~Antanya


Grief

I read somewhere,⠀
“Grief is love with nowhere to go”.⠀
Today I am full of a love⠀
Not for myself,⠀
That does not include direction,⠀
Only memories…⠀
And I cannot help but think⠀
I am grief.⠀

~Antanya


Abyss

My heart still reaches
For you- in the dark…
Mind remembers,
The burn- after the spark…

Emptiness does not
Speak to me,
Your substance
Must become
My sustenance.

Want is nothing,
Without the love.
I see you wanting,
But it’s not enough…

~Antanya


Bloom

We have been
Singed with frost,
Soaked in rain,
Shredded by wind,
Yet we still remain.
Standing tall,
Unwavering…
Tending the roots,
Pruning back the
Dead wood,
Culling and cultivating,
Until Spring reminds us
To Bloom.

~Antanya


Free With You

I have learned
My addiction
Is to the belonging,
The space you held
Me,
For me,
With me.
Our imaginary escape,
Real within our hearts,
Kept us alive,
Though we both felt
Like death.
I am grateful.
I am hurting.
I am loving.
I am lost.
Again-
And again.
I just want to
Be free,
With you.

~Antanya


Impossible

You think I could forget you,

But that has never been true…
Love won’t let me ever
Lose the memory of you.
I simply have no place
Asking you for anything,
I may have left only a trace,
But, to me, it was everything.
Please, don’t ask me to
Wipe my mind clear of you,
If you, my love, only knew,
How impossible that would be, to do.

~Antanya


Tell Me-

​Could I be- more than a memory,

While I’m still alive?
More than a blur- in your periphery,
Live for more, than just to survive?
‘Cause I have this urge to howl
Every night at the moon,
Long to soothe away your scowl,
If not now, then- Soon.
I’m trying to speak- To find my voice,
To sing again, pure and true,
Our tale of circumstance and choice,
To remind you- I. Love.You.

~Antanya


Our Place

​Some nights,

Laying in the dark-
I can feel you reaching,
Your warmth caressing,
Sharing the same space,
Our place we have made-
In the midnight dark,
My soul longs,
And my heart aches-
Still torn apart.

~Antanya


Unsaid, Unheard

​Suffering still silently

When words won’t work
Tears tear through thoughts
Unheard, undisclosed, unknown
When words won’t work…

~Antanya


If You Agree

​Why are we weak,

When we want more than
Physical attraction?
Why is the need for depth
Met with such shallow opposition?
Why is substance sappy,
Creativity cliche’,
Beauty blaze’?
Why is idealism idiotic,
Philosophy powerless,
Love lamented?
I don’t want to live in a world
Where these questions ring true,
If you agree with this nonsense,
I have nothing for you.

~Antanya


Traumatized

I have been traumatized.
I have watched the ones I love
Slowly succumb to the madness
They always deny.
Deny,
As if it will give the trauma less weight.
Sometimes, I want to scream-
To shake their shoulders and remind them
That it’s okay to feel,
To be the broken selves that we have become,
To accept that things have been done
That were never
Okay,
To remember that there are people
Who can never be allowed back,
And that is okay.
Oh, but when they rip the mask away,
That is when I want to hold them,
To kiss away all the ugliness that has fused
With the hearts of those who long to forget.
I want to brush away those invisible tears,
To whisper, in a voice louder than the fears-
“You are now.
You are loved.
You are alive.
You are here.”

~Antanya


If I Knew

If I knew it would take me closer,
I’d sleep and dream of you forever.
If I knew you cared, I could believe,
That Love in your heart is for me.

~Antanya


Sleep

I keep saying
I’m going to get some sleep,
But every time I rest,
These images of you creep
Through my consciousness,
And I fall so deep
Into you, into me…
I’m going to get some sleep.

~Antanya


Whispers of Intimacy

I hear whispers of spirit-
Calling on the Spring wind,
Howling my name…
Caressing my ears teasingly,
Trailing tingling fingers on my throat,
Swirling through tendrils
Of my long hair,
Wrapping warmth around
My shivering soul…

Sending my love in pure energy,
Feeling the harmony of our synergy…
You’re so far, but so close to me,
Still… My most intimate fantasy.

~Antanya


Mirage Daydreams

image

I catch glimpses Of Daydreams,
Shimmering at the end
Into heat haze…
Stay a moment longer,
So I can study your face“,
My heart says silently…
Don’t go…
…And another Daydream
Shimmers past the glimmering horizon,
Dreaming of you, all over again…

~Antanya

Image source: Unknown.

 


Crowded in Busy Lists

I have so much to do-
All these lists
Keep filling my mind,
I’m not sure-
How do you find
A space
In this crowded brain?
I love you-
And it haunts me
All the same…

~Antanya


Wrapping Me in Bliss

Whispers of you,
Your words-
Wrapping me whole…

Covering me,
My heart-
Pleasing my soul…

~Antanya


Violet Waves

image

Open to the wonder
Floating smoothly on violet waves
Swim through not under
Letting my soul seek what it craves
Flowing where love grows
I seek the paths open to me
In fluid energy grace flows
Making my dreams come to be

~Antanya

Artist Credit


None of my Business

It’s none of my business,
But that is hard to remember,
When all I want to know is this,
Your love, warm and tender…

It’s none of my business,
What you think of me,
But, my heart is a mess
Of all I want, of all we could be…

It’s none of my business,
Unless it’s you, reaching too…
Burning the pain, destroying distress-
Hoping at the end, for you.

~Antanya