Dreams & Delusions…

Archive for August, 2011


Hearts full of butterflies,
Bright stars in our eyes,
We raise our hands into pearly skies…

Never lose hope in this love, dear.
In our hearts, we keep each other near,
Never fading, or giving in to this fear…
We are both growing, year after year…

Feeling the resonating pull of light,
Understanding something, just out of sight.
You touch my heart, and my mind takes flight…

Hearts full of butterflies,
Bright stars in our eyes,
We raise our hands into pearly skies…



Too much action
Wears imagination thin,
But, too much dreaming
Leaves longing within…

Struggling to love this
Shuffling dance of fate,
Feeling the pull of abyss…
My heart screams, “I’m Too Late!”

“Give into my illusion”
Familiar whispers sigh,
“You are only delusion”
My spirit hates this lie.

Clawing my way out
Of this self-created mess,
Burning away the doubt,
Despite my own distress.

I will not be chained here,
I am strong and able.
I smash through the mirror,
And cut through this cable…

Tear away the negative shit,
Keep the promise I made,
Prove that I am done with it.
Let the darkness fade…


Why does becoming whole
Always feel like falling apart?
Caught in between
This struggle,
Between my mind,
And my heart…

Logic or Love?
That is the question…
I’m getting the feeling…
I’ll never find the answer.

Impossible to Forget You…

I try to relax,
Focus on love…
Open mind,
Relaxed heart,
Try to let go…

I am aware, you care.
You are a constant path in my brain…
I feel you there,
Like the greatest hope, after the worst pain…
Like a rainbow, after a hurricane…

Impossible to forget,
Bittersweet awareness.
My heart won’t let go of this horrible fondness…


Today I can’t help but feel a little down,
These emotions taunting me to drown…
Reaching for positivity.
Needing some creativity.
Feeling moments slipping like sand,
Soft, yet so damaging to my hand.

Even as I close my fingers,
I Dare to ask.
Where has hope gone?

Tomorrow may be a little better.
I’ll write myself a dismissive letter,
A document I’ll never send,
Because this has to have an end…

Why am I feeling this way?
Breaking down, to my dismay…
I’m trying hard to understand
Why my heart is in your hand.

I can’t find a decent answer,
No cure for this mental cancer.
Feeling more than a little lost,
My soul can’t stand to pay the cost.

Even as I choke out the words,
I dare to ask,
Where have I gone?

What have I done?

Lighter Version (Just a Tool)

You see me as the hand that writes,
Guides and creates,
That makes dreams into ideas…
You see me as the hand that loves,
Comforts and heals,
That makes desires into reality…

It seems that’s what you want to see,
Some lighter version of me…

I see me as the brush in your hand,
That dapples and strokes,
That paints the trees by the water,
Or maybe the stars on a velvet sky…

You will use me, however, you see…
Like a catalyst of your empathy,
Like a serenade of your sympathy,
Why can’t I just freely be me?

A Serene Sea (In Dreaming Eyes)

Where is the serenity others see in my eyes…
The current that makes the moon rise,
The ocean gently rolling in natural rhythm…
The sea, shining like glass, calm within?

When I try to find this place in my mind,
This state of being is so unkind…
I see only storms & waves,
Power that violence craves…
They seem so massive in me,
How are they contained by the sea?

This massive ocean rumbles,
As my emotions tumble,
My soul cries out in need,
A dire storm, indeed…
Shining from the horizon, there is a gleam,
I swim madly, and awake from another dream…

Dream Space…

Swimming in violet dreams,
Calling with violent screams…
Longing for relief,
Searching for belief…

Bright sparks,
Indigo arcs,
Points of light
Filling my sight.

As I draw near,
The ones I hold dear
Become bright,
In shining flight…

Floating weightless in air…
I’m aware, you’re there.
Reaching in eternity,
Floating in serenity…

Feeling the touch of your grace,
like falling through deep space…
Here, things are exactly what they seem,
As we experience the same dream…

For the Love of Past, For the Love of Contrast…

The sun is shining brightly,
In this light, I wish you well…
This heart is pining nightly,
In your dark, you wish me hell…

Deceived by your lies no longer,
I suddenly realize…
Perceived you wrong in my hunger,
I made my own demise…

“Let me be, so I can heal…”
I remember saying something like this
We both know, this is so real
I’m aware this is something we can’t dismiss…
Want to heal this pain inside,
Take from me this sick infection…
Steal the thoughts that make me hide,
Lead me in the right direction…


I am here:
To love,
And rise above,
NOT be destroyed
By your HATRED.

I won’t let you:
Take what’s mine,
Or redefine,
I hold SACRED.

I believe:
I’ve been wrong,
For far too long,
Tempting spiritual SUICIDE.
Wanting impossible ideas
To come to life…
DECAYING on the inside.

This time:
My eyes are open.
I WON’T let you in…
‘Cause you won’t desert me,
You can’t HURT me,
If I will not let you begin.

I realize:
There’s no compromise.
Feeling contently whole
Has never been a fair trade,
For the destruction of my SOUL.

When Contrast Fades…

Black is my reality:
I’m a stumbling, anxious mess
Falling inside myself
Vertigo yanking me ’round
Barely able to walk…

White are my dreams:
I’m lithe and graceful
Floating effortlessly
Air carrying me, weightless
Walking is a waste with wings…


Grey is when contrast fades:
I’m stumbling, graceful
Falling effortlessly
Spinning in air, dancing
Walking as if my feet are wings…


There is a girl running
darkly beautiful, but glowing within
her feet are bare
grinding into rocks, bits of glass
the horizon closing quickly
she has little time
she’s so close, five more steps…


She blinks her eyes.

Flicker, Flicker.

There is a girl dancing
brightly beautiful, but hurting within
her feet are bare
bloody and ragged
she is dancing a sword’s edge
her feet are slippery, she is tired
but to fall now would be a blight to what’s right.
She carries on in her gruesome task.


She slips momentarily.


There is a girl living
painfully beautiful, but content within
her life is meaningful
full of love and honor
she is shining again
her dreams give her new hope
though she remembers darker days,
determined not to repeat those yesterdays…


I’m still intact…
Though, I’ve been slow to react,
I know what awaits,
Though, I won’t relate.
There is no denying,
this world has been lying…

Tide turns,
heart burns,
mind learns,
soul yearns…

I feel dreams remade,
As insecurities fade…
…Here, in dappled light and shade…


We wrote many poems,
Sang many songs,
Do we remember?

What it was like to feel:
To feel close,
To want,
To need,
…And to question the need of the other?

Love, this feels empty.
As emotions run liquid
From eyes too weary to be dry…
And a question emerges before it is squelched,
Do you remember?

Favorite Dream…

I am dark, I am light,
glowing, ultraviolet white…
light refines my soul,
reminds me I’m still whole.

I’m burning alive
for my reason to survive,
flames incinerate my heart,
Tearing my sickness apart…

your love shows me
who I must be,
a siren in the silence,
a beacon in the violence…

I am laughing at the breeze,
as water falls from the trees,
liquid drops of golden phosphorescence,
piercing, blinding incandescence…

Temper my eyes to see,
I am yours eternally…

This is my favorite dream,
reminding me, we are more than we seem…
Please don’t let me wake,
My heart is only yours to break.

Standing in the sun,
remembering you, the one,
The heart I love, the soul I adore;
The love I’m always reaching for…


Here at the start of this cycle again,
wondering why I can’t break it,
Why I can’t deny my own destruction.

Do you ever imagine me, and wish you couldn’t?
So many battles left unwon…
Do you ever feel me, and wish that you wouldn’t?
So many thoughts left undone…

Do you know how it feels,
to have your deepest passion dismissed,
as a mistake, as a fallacy?
To have your innermost truth
strangled by the lies you spun to save it?

We both know it’s…
So wrong, So wrong…
We can’t settle for this,
So long, so long…

Honest Mercy…

Could I please
Store this light in my eyes
To breathe it into you?
Do I need permission?
‘Cause I’m not sorry that
My heart is shining for you…

I swallow my pride,
My pain,
My sorrow,
Take another breath,
Another step…
‘Cause I’m not sorry that
My dreams are full of honesty…

Vengeance and mercy
Tied in such a tight knot
I can’t find the ends…
I forgive you
Because I want to
Not to lie to you.

Love & Death

While her heart craves harmony,
She won’t give into this soul arsony.
Pain is an old familiar friend,
Reminding her this has no end.

Walking through this haunted hall,
She picks up a broken piece
She reads her analogy
And lets it cease
She writes her elegy…

A memory
Never seems to fade,
That tastes of honey
Laced with nightshade

She hears his ardent call,
Though she refuses to fall.
Screaming throughout her head,
It’s her own voice that she dreads.

Love to make
Her death taste sweet
Her fragile heart to break
Her dying eyes to meet…

My Sacrament

I stand ready to fight,
I trust only my soul…
While followers weep,
Faith keeps me whole…
Spirituality over religion,
My inspiration comes from above…
Following my intuition,
My sacrament is love…


Finding Peace…

Finding peace
Was all too hard…
Before I realized
It comes from within…

How can I be myself…

If I can’t stand my imperfections?
If I can’t laugh at my own insanity?
If I can’t rise above when I need to?
If I can’t shake myself from this dream of needing you?

Finding peace
Was not so hard…
Once I realized
It comes from within…


A blessing, and a curse
A meaning, without a verse
A ray of light, searing through me
A longing, to be simply free
A beautiful, difficult way out
A smothering, destruction of doubt
A smiling, familiar face
A warm, endearing embrace
A dream, resonating of love
A hand, reaching from above

Reach further…


As I reach harder for the light,
Funny how the shadows seem thicker, darker…
Veiled in the contrast,
Between my hopes, and my reality…
Both arms outstretched,
Holding onto a belief,
Unseen, unheard…

Forcing wings,
Once frozen,
To feel warmth and light…
To be whole again.
To heal this broken soul.

To display my pain…
A badge of honor.
To show…
We are not alone.
At all.



We’ve created a silence only you can break,
A love we can’t fake.
We believe in a dream that won’t die,
In souls that will fly.
We have been forsaken,
Though never forgotten.
As we push through the pain,
Our souls see what we gain.
You assume I’m so blind,
But for some reason, can’t leave me behind.
What is it that feeds your need,
Love, Healing, Lust, or Greed?


Both Sides…

I’ve heard the whispers,
I’ve heard the screams…
Both sides have saved me,
Forsaken me,
Broken me.

You can’t be pure,
When you play both sides…
There will come a time,
When you will need to choose.
I can’t do it for you,
Though I wish I could…

I know that this world is lost,
Sundered in blackness…
Though it is light my soul longs for,
Screams for,
Hopes for.

If you can focus,
You will see…
The horizon is shining,
Not lost in uncertainty.