The Silence
I miss
The silence
Between our
Nervous words,
The safety
In the rhythm
Of your breath,
The longing to
Reach out,
Reach you…
Before the
Uncertainty
Murdered
The moment,
When the connection
Was almost enough…
I miss
The silence…
Mute
The ache
Steals the words
From my tongue,
The pain
Scrapes the memories
Through my brain…
How do you speak
So easily,
Why do I fall silent
When my heart screams?
Start Softly
Hold me,⠀
I will hold you back,⠀
Lay with me⠀
And whisper all of those secrets⠀
We don’t share with anyone else…⠀
I need to be vulnerable⠀
And know that I am safe⠀
Before I can let you in…⠀
Once we have shared enough,⠀
We can let the real fun begin.⠀
⠀
~Antanya
Abyss
My heart still reaches
For you- in the dark…
Mind remembers,
The burn- after the spark…
Emptiness does not
Speak to me,
Your substance
Must become
My sustenance.
Want is nothing,
Without the love.
I see you wanting,
But it’s not enough…
~Antanya
Worth Their Weight
I remember
The raw pain
And the emptiness
That stretched along
The years…
I used to wish
I had never known you,
Though now
I am grateful
You found a way,
To show me
I’m not alone…
Gave me a love
To curl into
When everything else
Falls away.
I would rather have this
Passion and longing,
Darkness and light
Intertwined-
Than the absence,
The vacuous abyss…
The substance to crave
In the emptiness of
This fucked up world,
Companionship and love
Are worth
Their weight in pain.
Everything I Can’t Say
Darkness,
Our rise,
And our downfall.
How many times
Have we met here?
Whispered,
Screamed,
Touched,
Held…
You don’t want to stay,
And I don’t blame you.
My heart still reaches for you,
I think it always will,
You were always
There for me
In the dark…
I will always wonder
Why we keep ending up
Here,
When all I feel
Is the empty,
The longing,
Stretching forever,
And your back
Walking away…
I feel-
Left with nothing,
And everything
I can’t say…
~Antanya
Delusion/Clarity
I love myself,
And I don’t feel
Lonely…
I start to feel
Like I can function,
Like I have healed…
Then my subconscious
Sabotages me.
I dream all sorts
Of strange and mesmerizing
Dreams,
And they are all about you…
When I wake,
I am devastated.
I do not sob and whimper
Like I used to,
But my heart aches,
My head hurts,
My body throbs…
Like the day you told me
You did not love me,
That I was a stranger,
When I thought…
I thought you,
You were the only one who saw
Me…
I love myself,
And I don’t feel
Lonely…
I miss you
And the delusion
That you loved me.
~Antanya
Just Maybe.
Maybe I’m a vessel
For emptiness,
Maybe I’m programmed
For loneliness,
Maybe I’m screaming
Inside the silence…
~Antanya
Through the Fog poetry 