Dreams & Delusions…

Posts tagged “ache

The Silence

I miss⁣
The silence⁣
Between our⁣
Nervous words,⁣
The safety⁣
In the rhythm⁣
Of your breath,⁣
The longing to⁣
Reach out,⁣
Reach you…⁣
Before the⁣
Uncertainty ⁣
Murdered⁣
The moment,⁣
When the connection⁣
Was almost enough…⁣
I miss⁣
The silence…⁣


Mute

The ache⁣
Steals the words⁣
From my tongue,⁣
The pain⁣
Scrapes the memories⁣
Through my brain…⁣
How do you speak⁣
So easily,⁣
Why do I fall silent ⁣
When my heart screams?


Start Softly

Hold me,⠀
I will hold you back,⠀
Lay with me⠀
And whisper all of those secrets⠀
We don’t share with anyone else…⠀
I need to be vulnerable⠀
And know that I am safe⠀
Before I can let you in…⠀
Once we have shared enough,⠀
We can let the real fun begin.⠀

~Antanya


Abyss

My heart still reaches
For you- in the dark…
Mind remembers,
The burn- after the spark…

Emptiness does not
Speak to me,
Your substance
Must become
My sustenance.

Want is nothing,
Without the love.
I see you wanting,
But it’s not enough…

~Antanya


Worth Their Weight

I remember

The raw pain

And the emptiness

That stretched along

The years…

I used to wish

I had never known you,

Though now

I am grateful

You found a way,

To show me

I’m not alone…

Gave me a love

To curl into

When everything else

Falls away.

I would rather have this

Passion and longing,

Darkness and light

Intertwined-

Than the absence,

The vacuous abyss…

The substance to crave

In the emptiness of

This fucked up world,

Companionship and love

Are worth

Their weight in pain.


Everything I Can’t Say

Darkness,

Our rise,

And our downfall.

How many times

Have we met here?

Whispered,

Screamed,

Touched,

Held…

You don’t want to stay,

And I don’t blame you.

My heart still reaches for you,

I think it always will,

You were always

There for me

In the dark…

I will always wonder

Why we keep ending up

Here,

When all I feel

Is the empty,

The longing,

Stretching forever,

And your back

Walking away…

I feel-

Left with nothing,

And everything

I can’t say…

~Antanya


Delusion/Clarity

I love myself,

And I don’t feel

Lonely…

I start to feel

Like I can function,

Like I have healed…

Then my subconscious

Sabotages me.

I dream all sorts

Of strange and mesmerizing

Dreams,

And they are all about you…

When I wake,

I am devastated.

I do not sob and whimper

Like I used to,

But my heart aches,

My head hurts,

My body throbs…

Like the day you told me

You did not love me,

That I was a stranger,

When I thought…

I thought you,

You were the only one who saw

Me…

I love myself,

And I don’t feel

Lonely…

I miss you

And the delusion

That you loved me.

~Antanya


Just Maybe.

​Maybe I’m a vessel

For emptiness,
Maybe I’m programmed
For loneliness,
Maybe I’m screaming
Inside the silence…

~Antanya