Dreams & Delusions…

Archive for July, 2014

Feeling the Change

Life calls to Evolve,
Frustration is no longer a friend.
Heart longs to Revolve,
As I realize there is no end.
I’ve been driving in Reverse.
I can see the denial in me…
I can’t change the Universe.
The truth won’t release the memory…

~Antanya

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Now.

It’s funny-

Not in a humorous way,

In more of a

“Well, that’s odd.”

Sort of way…

When I let go

I never seem to fall,

I’m held by

Ideas, emotions, hopes…

I see everything I have,

And I smile…

A real, happy smile.

I see my blessings,

Tears of joy fill my eyes…

I am alive.

Now.

 

I want this to last…

Can I teach myself

To retract my claws,

To accept what is thrown

Down the tunnel ahead of me?

Can I learn to remember

Without pining for what is lost,

Without living in these memories?

Of course.

I only need to believe…

I feel full and complete.

I feel like me.

Now.

 

~Antanya

 


World War III (In Me)

The war outside my door
Does not surprise me…
The bombs exploding
Do not shock me.
I’ve been at war
A long time, you see…

The current events of the world
Are echoing the chaos inside me…
I try to move on,
Try to break free…
Then, my mind drops a bomb on me…
I try to love without thinking of you,
But my heart fucks up everything I do.

I’m not too selfish to see
I have people who love me…
I try so hard to fit into this mold,
Knowing that I’m not alone.
I have someone to hold,
I’m not on my own…

When I start to really think,
My support is gone in a wink…
I’m lost in this bloody war,
And my heart won’t shut the door.
I have been fighting, scarred for years,
Trying to hold back my heart’s tears…
I’m tired of being held captive
By my inner fears.

I’m as lost and broken
As those bodies on TV.
I can’t stand all this heartache
Staring back at me…
When I look in the mirror,
I see…
I have become
World War III.

~Antanya


Nothing. Everything.

You are the cloud
In my cloudless sky-
“That’s impossible.”
I wonder, why?
You are the strings
Pulling me
When I feel free-
“What the fuck
Is wrong with me?”
Nothing.
Everything.
You.
Me.
Them.
It’s alright.
It’s all wrong.
We’ll see, in the end…
It won’t be long.
When it’s all over,
I’ll still be your lover…
Even if it’s only in text,
Even if nothing comes next.

~Antanya


Honest Emotion

When credibility is gone,
When the fighting is done,
Memory turns to myth.
We forget how we felt,
We forget who we felt it with…

So, I keep writing…
I fight to record the emotion
While it still rings true…
I don’t want to lie to you.

~Antanya


A Reminder- Be Careful

Be careful-
Your empathy will drain you,
Your apathy will stain you,
Your neuropathy will pain you…
Be careful.

~Antanya


The Truth Is-

The truth is-
I admire your courage
The strength in your voice
When you say
What I never could.
My voice would falter
Crack and bind
As if the weight
Of projection
Would tear apart
Vocal chords
Dry with suppression
Bound by obsession
Lost in progression
Of a force I can’t control…
The truth is-
I admire your courage…
Your ability to say
I love you.

~Antanya