Dreams & Delusions…

Archive for November, 2015

Want

I want to hold you
The way I do in my heart.
I want to disassemble the distance
That keeps tearing us apart.
I want to show you
The depth of my love for you,
I don’t know how, or where to start.


Thankful for Longing

I am grateful for love,
The connection I can’t let go of.
I am thankful for belonging,          (with you)
The reason my heart keeps longing.          (for you)
I have gratitude for you,
Even if you don’t believe me, it’s true.
Even if I can’t be with you,
I still want to.

 

~Antanya


Stormy Dreams

Trees dancing violently in twilight,
Moving lace patterns
On my walls,
Shadows playing with light…
In my dreams,
We curl around and into each other,
Tangled and breathless…
Grips grasping, souls sliding,
Fingers finding, tounges tasting…
Sensuous dancing
To the syncopated rhythm,
Matching our intensity to
The deep bassline rattling the windows…
Wind and rain punctuated
With passionate whispers and screams…

~Antanya


Rabid

I look like a rabid animal.
“Honey, you are a rabid animal.”
I know, but people don’t need to know that. 😎


Cold Wall

Sometimes, when I am cold,
I trace the cracks in the wall between us…
I lay my cheek against rough stone
Eroded from so many years of-
Our pounding,
Our screaming,
Our scratching…
I imagine myself changing state,
Seeping through the tiny cracks
Only to meet your skin,
To touch your warmth,
To not feel alone…
I feel you on the other side,
I know you are hurting too,
And I want to (need to) be against you,
Not this cold wall.
My cold turns wet and lonely,
Soaked in tears I can’t shed.
Shivering, hugging myself in the corner
Inside my head.

~Antanya


Our Storm

A celestial rage,
A mystical fury,
A violent inspiration,
Shot straight through me-
A roaring whisper,
A screaming sigh,
A scorching breath,
Stopped wondering why-
A scathing passion,
A heartfelt lashing,
A sincere longing,
Our needs and wants always clashing…

~Antanya


Secrets

Some people confide their secrets in me,
But yours are my favorite ones to keep…
I’m hidden behind masks they cannot see,
I learned from you not to let them in deep.

~Antanya


Willing the Flood…

I watch the fluctuation
Of the clouds…
The way the sun barely breaks
Before succumbing to the violence,
The darkness of the storm…
The wind keeps pushing
More slate grey walls
To blanket the sky with dark,
Slick the ground with warm wet drops.

~Antanya

I fucking love the rain.  ❤


Midnight Storm

Laying in the dark,
Listening to the storm ravage,
Feral howls and deep booms,
Livid rain pelting the glass…
I want to be wrapped in you-
Devoured by your dark storm,
Soaked in your slick rain,
Washed away in your want…
Willing you to feel every curve,
To caress every crevice of my soul
Whispering your name, over and over…

~Antanya


Disconnected

Estranged, disconnected, severed:
Floating past the unknown-
Soul shivers in the cold,
When eyes slide past me,
Can’t help feeling alone.

~Antanya


Dark Sanctuary

I don’t know
How to let go…
You’re the best
Lover
I’ve (n)ever known.
Even after all these years,
The love is stronger than the fear…
Aware of your desire,
Caught somewhere between
Despair and passion’s fire.
Feeling your touch,
Melding deep in my soul…
Wanting you so much,
You rip me apart…
Reassemble me till I’m whole.
Wrap your hands around me,
Bind me to you, where I feel free…
Let me kiss away the pain you hold within,
Your teeth drawing the heat from my skin…
Consume me in the flame of your lustful need,
Our passionate screams crescendo as we feed…
Your fingers intertwine with mine
In the darkness, where we find
Sanctuary, in the depths of our minds.

~Antanya


To Keep

My pulse is rapid,
Though my breath is deep.
I dream of you still,
Though rarely in sleep.
Time alone
Helps me cope,
Where I can dream deep.
I need you,
I want you,
This time to keep.

 

~Antanya


Gathering

The storm is gathering.

The wind whirls my hair
Into a wild dark tangle,
And I watch a leaf
Dance and swirl…

I can empathize
with that leaf,
Dancing and falling,
Swooping and stumbling,
From the force of something
Greater,
Something more powerful…

I can empathize with the wind,
Screaming and howling,
Pushing and overturning,
Having the charisma and sheer strength
To change the path
Of all in it’s course,
For better or for worse…

The storm is gathering.

~Antanya


Dreaming

I went for a walk,
And It was like I was dreaming,
Or maybe just fully awake
For the first time in a long time…
The grass was impossibly green,
The sky was illuminated in technicolor blue,
All of the Autumn colors sharper
Than I’ve ever seen them.
I almost cried,
When I thought of how much I miss,
How much beauty passes me by
On any given day-
Maybe I am dreaming
In this world,
And the real me is somewhere with you…
Forgive me for being honest,
But I’d prefer if that were true.

 

~Antanya


I’m Here

You keep saying you’re alone,
Even while I huddle to your side…
The want of you creates a low moan,
Pulled by your tide, from the inside…
I don’t know how to show you-
You are not beneath me,
I’m here beside you.
My soul cries-
Love, open your eyes.

~Antanya


Hunger, Inside

As I wake,
I feel the weight of arms
That have never held me…
I claw at covers,
Digging for you,
My nerves are alive,
I shiver,
Feeling the ghostly stroke
Of familiar fingers on my skin…
My breath quickens,
And my body writhes…
The day begins,
And I rise,
Carrying the hunger for you, inside…

~Antanya


(Overwhelmed by) Inarticulate Desire to Express

There are so many emotions
Coursing through me-
When I try
To express one,
I am wrapped up-
In another,
Then another,
An ocean of spirals,
Pulling me under-
Made from waves
Of Helices,
Tightening, Suffocating-
Indigo and violet swirls,
Coating my mind-
Our mixed screams
Personifying Pleasure,
Teasing Torture,
Drowning out my voice-
In the cackling din of darkness…

~Antanya

 

Edit: I was thinking about the images I used in this poem and wondering why I felt this extreme sense of deja vu,  and it occurred to me that I have used it before…

IMG_1426This is the cover to my jewelry design book that I painted 8-9 years ago…  This is, obviously, a simple expression of a rather complex idea.  Now I’m really fascinated, Was I subconsciously thinking about my design book while I was writing this poem?  Why has this particular image stuck with me for so long?  Trippy.


I don’t remember…

I don’t remember dates.
Deaths,
Birthdays,
Weddings,
Breakups…
I remember substance.
Lives,
People,
Companions,
Lovers…
I don’t remember the date we fell apart.
I remember you.

~Antanya


Take It

As usual, the pure rawness of her words has left me in awe…

loveletterstoaghost

Here.
Take it.
Take every drop I have.
My blood is yours
just as every beat
of my heart
has always been yours.
Squeeze these drops
between you fingers
and feel the slick heat
of my love,
the sweet sting
of my death
as they drip words
from my veins.

Here.
Take it all.
Take the atoms
that make me
and tear them
until they explode,
sending rockets
of bloody love
into the shimmering darkness.

Take it from me
so that I am no longer blind
and clinging to
fragmented conversations
left to rot
in the vaults of memory.

Here.
Take it.
It’s always been yours.

~Patience

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