Dreams & Delusions…

Posts tagged “Pain

Fractured

Iridescent shards⁣
Of my past⁣
Stick in the callouses⁣
On the bottoms⁣
Of my soiled feet,⁣
I try so hard to step⁣
Gently, purposefully-⁣
Then brush the shards⁣
Away from my skin, ⁣
Pain persists⁣
And the microscopic⁣
Daggers still embed⁣
Their way into me,⁣
The bloody remnants⁣
Of fear⁣
Leave me raw,⁣
Restless and uncertain-⁣
Lost in me, ⁣
Again.⁣


I Hope it’s Just Me

I’m not really sure if you care,
Or if it is a cruel running joke…
Sometimes, I can feel you there,
Even see you, as through smoke.
You don’t deserve to be my leaning post,
I don’t deserve to be the one you love the most.
I love you, I hope that you are okay,
That you have found a way out of the dismay.
That you don’t think of me every day,
At least, not in this painful way…

~Antanya


Dichotomy

Within me-  
There is a dichotomy
Between needing
You to love me
The same way
I love you
And needing
You not to hurt
The way I do…

It’s impossible- 
How it still  
Comforts my heart,
Constricts my throat
To imagine you
Thinking of me…
I’d rather face it
Together than apart,
But, where do we start?

~Antanya


Who Needs Opiates? (I Have Dreams)

I caught a glimpse
Of you, last night.
I recognized you,
For the first time
In a long time…
Felt the longing
And the understanding,
Just enough to leave
The imprint of memory…
A second of warmth
Before waking…

Shivering in cold sweat,
Too early to rise,
With an ache that
Wouldn’t go away…
I drifted back
Into empty darkness
And woke in a fog
Of remembrance…

Please, torture me
Some more.
Let me dream
Of whom I adore,
So, in waking,
This pain,
I can ignore…


Help?!

You see me struggling,
And you add to my burden.
Complain until you get what you want,
Then you don’t have time to help.
The pain on my face is enough
To cause you to pause,
But not enough for empathy.
My cries for help are met
With a sympathetic face
And still hands…
I want to scream at you,
But, I kiss you goodbye.  
You leave,
I cry.
Another fucked up morning…

~Antanya


Suffocated, Stifled, Silent

I feel suffocated by my own mind.
I want to tell you how I’m feeling,
But, I’m lost in confusion…
I don’t know
Which thoughts to express,
And which I need to discard.
So, I feel choked out, I stay silent.
I tell myself I don’t need to tell you,
But, the need for you becomes more violent.
I don’t want to cause you any more pain,
So, maybe it’s better if I stay quiet.
Even when it kills me,
Maybe, especially then…

~Antanya