Entanglement
I fall into awareness,
Presence.
Chills through my limbs
And down my spine…
I see you,
In my mind’s eye-
It’s been a long time
Want to stay,
Safe and welcome-
Send my love,
And hope it catches
A trace of you.
Complex Paradox
When you feel so far,
When your words
Don’t seem real
When your glance slides away,
I feel small and unremarkable,
Disappointing and empty.
When you are not here,
When the dark
Feels so deep,
When I feel so much I can’t say,
I long to show you and be stripped
Of this panic,
This need and desire…
To be swept away.
I try to focus
On my life,
On everything I have
And am grateful for,
But, you are always
Distracting in my periphery…
Endlessly addictive and sensual,
Teasing treaturously.
Your distance is a paradox,
Leaves me in wonderment,
Of an adoration so complex…
~Antanya
Skin Distance
Being next to you
Would never do…
You see,
Skin would separate
You from me,
Leave us apart
From who WE are…
Impossibly far.
Just enough room
For doubt,
In or out,
With or without
You…
~Antanya
Insignificant
When the ache
Becomes physical-
My chest stings and burns,
My heart sings and yearns…
The hot tears feel strange to me,
The yearning slaughters the anxiety.
The only fear I can feel
Are voices screaming you’re not real…
I don’t even know
If you want me to stay,
I still love you,
Still think of you anyway…
I wish I could tell you,
But-
I don’t know what to say,
Or if it would make a difference, anyway…
~Antanya
…You can’t stop the pain
You won’t say the words…
Grey (Void)
Grey.
There is no
Light or dark,
Black or white,
Here.
There is only me
And my uncertain fear.
Hope is like a memory
That feels locked in periphery…
I feel traces of you, still…
Like smoke in the air,
Like soot on my skin,
Ashes in the water.
You’ve infiltrated
My inner void,
There is no empty,
When you still fill me.
There is no peace
From the call,
There is no break
For the fall.
I feel so lonely,
Disconnected
From it all…
Grey.
There is no
Light or dark,
Black or white,
Here.
There is only me
And my uncertain fear…
~Antanya
Through the Fog poetry 