Dreams & Delusions…

Posts tagged “Darkness

Healing

The darkness within
Shatters,
The light suffuses
The fissures,
Broken open
To adhere
Pieces of identity,
Intertwined and integral-
Kintsugi of the mind.

~Antanya


Stoic Storm

Breathe,
Don’t react,
Just breathe…
Don’t scream
Or struggle,
Or he won’t stop.
Let him get bored…
Be boring,
Stoic.
Breathe,
Don’t react,
Just breathe…
Don’t say how
You feel
Or he will
Scream again,
Don’t communicate
So you can have
Peace.
Breathe,
Don’t react,
Just breathe…
You can’t change
The choices she makes,
Tell her you’re worried,
But not where he can hear…
Breathe,
Don’t react,
Just breathe…
He will think
You’re weak,
So just take it,
It will be over soon.
He will say it was
Nothing.
Breathe,
Don’t react,
Just breathe…
And sometimes,
You remember
Harsh voices,
Unwanted hands,
Threats and violence.
Breathe,
Don’t react,
Just breathe…
And you scrape
Your pieces into a pile,
Breathe…
Pick them up
And hold them to your chest…
Breathe…
Mourn for the girl
Who used to be,
The one who hides
Within you still…
Breathe…
Love,
Heal,
Remember,
And Breathe…
Don’t react,
Just breathe…

~Antanya


Complex Paradox

When you feel so far,
When your words
Don’t seem real
When your glance slides away,
I feel small and unremarkable,
Disappointing and empty.

When you are not here,
When the dark
Feels so deep,
When I feel so much I can’t say,
I long to show you and be stripped
Of this panic,
This need and desire…
To be swept away.

I try to focus
On my life,
On everything I have
And am grateful for,
But, you are always
Distracting in my periphery…
Endlessly addictive and sensual,
Teasing treaturously.

Your distance is a paradox,
Leaves me in wonderment,
Of an adoration so complex…

~Antanya


Hazy

No matter how
I try to fill it,
My life feels empty
Without you in it.
Some days the melancholy
Blinds me, it’s all that I can see.
The space where you should be
Feels like a hole, an abyss in me.
I know better, my mind keeps taunting me,
“You don’t belong to anyone, you are free”
Then why do I feel these chains bonding me?
Why do these feelings keep haunting me?
Why do you feel like home to me?
Why can’t I let go, am I crazy?
…The questions never clarify to more than hazy…

~Antanya


Unchained

   1201652-bigthumbnail I’m not like
The ones who chained me
And I’m not tame,
But can you blame me?

chained angel-blue and purple
These bonds have chafed me,
My arms are weakened and bruised,
But I won’t let my soul be used.

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I feel my strength coming back to me,
In love and wisdom, flowing free…

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My sword still bright,
Glinting in starlight-
I find my mark,
Dancing, Slicing, Stabbing
Through the dark…

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~Antanya


Mirrored Walls

You keep digging, what do you think you’ll find?
If you won’t let me in, you won’t know my mind.
You think you know, but all you see are my mirrored walls.
I refuse to open up when you can’t hear my spirit’s calls…
If you keep pushing, I’ll piss you off. I’m programmed to offend.
Unless you try to help, to understand, my mind will only defend.
Give me a reason to trust you, if you want to see deep inside…
I don’t let just anyone in the dark cave where my demons hide.

~Antanya