Dreams & Delusions…

Posts tagged “Being Honest

The Silence

I miss⁣
The silence⁣
Between our⁣
Nervous words,⁣
The safety⁣
In the rhythm⁣
Of your breath,⁣
The longing to⁣
Reach out,⁣
Reach you…⁣
Before the⁣
Uncertainty ⁣
Murdered⁣
The moment,⁣
When the connection⁣
Was almost enough…⁣
I miss⁣
The silence…⁣


Stoic Storm

Breathe,
Don’t react,
Just breathe…
Don’t scream
Or struggle,
Or he won’t stop.
Let him get bored…
Be boring,
Stoic.
Breathe,
Don’t react,
Just breathe…
Don’t say how
You feel
Or he will
Scream again,
Don’t communicate
So you can have
Peace.
Breathe,
Don’t react,
Just breathe…
You can’t change
The choices she makes,
Tell her you’re worried,
But not where he can hear…
Breathe,
Don’t react,
Just breathe…
He will think
You’re weak,
So just take it,
It will be over soon.
He will say it was
Nothing.
Breathe,
Don’t react,
Just breathe…
And sometimes,
You remember
Harsh voices,
Unwanted hands,
Threats and violence.
Breathe,
Don’t react,
Just breathe…
And you scrape
Your pieces into a pile,
Breathe…
Pick them up
And hold them to your chest…
Breathe…
Mourn for the girl
Who used to be,
The one who hides
Within you still…
Breathe…
Love,
Heal,
Remember,
And Breathe…
Don’t react,
Just breathe…

~Antanya


Every Time

I’m back trying to heal,

Divining the fiction

From the real,

And every time I delve

Into myself,

I find you,

A little deeper,

Closer,

Yet further

Away…

~Antanya


Internal Dialogue

We all say-

“I love too hard”

“I fell too hard”

“I’m too sensitive”

“Too intense”

“Too emotional”

“Too damaged”

“Too dramatic”

“Too different”

“Too anxious”

“Too timid”

“Too bold”

When what we mean is-

“I am willing to sacrifice for love”

“I believed in them”

“I have a strong intuition”

“I do not hide from emotion”

“I am willing to express emotion”

“I have been hurt, I know how to heal”

“I feel intensely”

“I know who I am”

“I desire safety”

“I dislike too much attention”

“I am not afraid to express myself”

When will we stop feeling “too”,

And start feeling “enough”…?

~Antanya


Fucked Up

I questioned you,
When I wanted to ask for help…
I didn’t know what to do,
Or how to be myself…

I’m so sorry,
I didn’t understand…
When I pushed you away,
It fucked up more than my hand.

We survived,
Though I can’t say
I’ve thrived,
I had to die
To stay alive…

I feel your soul, shivering-
Do you hear me, whispering?

I have a heart
With strong shutters,
Longing to keep you warm-
But, I can only show the fire,
I can’t pull you from the storm.

~Antanya