Dreams & Delusions…

The Opposite of Cheer

I believe in love and fulfillment,
The gratitude in paying it forward.
Showing appreciation
Is a direction I try to move toward.
So, why, in my efforts (there are many)
Do I always fall so fucking short?

When I feel like I can help,
Like I can give you something…
My fortitude crumbles, my feet fumble,
I weep as I am left with nothing.
It’s not emptiness that kills me,
But the longing to be generous,
To give to you until I don’t feel empty.

I feel sorry and unworthy,
Keep your attention far from me.
Because saying thank you is not enough
For them, for you, for us…
Merry fucking Christmas.

~Antanya

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