Dreams & Delusions…

Lost Sanctuary

I’ve been reminiscing lately…
I reread some of the thoughts
I’ve recorded along the way
I realize-
I haven’t let go.
I haven’t moved on.
I haven’t even moved.
I’ve been still.
For so long.
I never changed.
I just shifted
My perceptions
Until they were
Beautiful
To me.

When I look
Inside now,
I see-
This place has become
Dark
and
Dirty.
The windows
Are long-due
For a cleaning.
Fragments of you
And shards of me
Are mixed
In dust piles
Covered in cobwebs
On loose, creaky floorboards.

A player-piano
Plays a painfully
Out-of-tune
Refrain…
Tears drip
From obscure eyes
On keys
That move
like ghosts
In golden-hued
Motes of dust.

Walls twist
Like earthquake rubble-
In ways that aren’t possible
To remain standing
In waking worlds.
Stained-glass shards
Fall like deadly glitter
On dingy, ornate brocade-
Tapestries that once shone
With richness and glory.

The princess grew
Into a queen
But no one remembered.
The tower stayed locked
Nobody bothered
To scale walls
Forgotten,
Covered in thorns.

I’ve waited here
For so long-
I feel ethereal.
If you tried
To touch me now,
Maybe I would
Just shimmer,
Disappear,
Evanescent,
In forgotten dreams…

Would you cry
If I wasn’t real,
Would you even try
To feel?
Would you be happy
That you could no longer
See me?
Would you scream
In horror
Like I was a bad dream?

Maybe I’ve faded away,
Like every memory
I’ve been scared to let you
Discard…
Maybe…
There is no me.
Maybe…
I’m just a ghost,
A lost memory…

~Antanya

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3 responses

  1. W

    “I never changed. I just shifted my perceptions until they were beautiful to me.” That thought is lovely and so meaningful to me. I think that is how true forgiveness happens.

    September 14, 2014 at 7:31 pm

    • Sure, though this is not about forgiveness. It’s about loving and wanting someone for so long that that feeling becomes more real than life… It’s about feeling forgotten because the silence has stretched out for so long…

      September 15, 2014 at 12:43 pm

      • W

        Ok. I still like the thought. 🙂

        September 15, 2014 at 4:02 pm

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